He Loves Me or He Loves me Not
by DarkenedTragedyXx
Summary: When Lily Randle,Steve's cousin,comes to live in Tulsa after being kicked out by her parents, She learns that helping people can also cause many problems.How will Steve handle everything when he finds out Lily likes a certain greaser and a Soc..Lily's POV
1. The biggest mistake of my life

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily. The Characters looks are based from how they look in the movie. Hope you like it!**

**He loves me… He loves me Not… The outsiders**

I walked out of the Curtis's house and hugged myself as the cold night air hit me. Maybe before i start to tell the story i should tell a little about myself. My Name is Lily Randle, I have light hazel eyes, and Long straight, soft, black hair, and im Sixteen years old.You see, Steve is my cousin and I just moved here. I have been here a lot before though to visit. I got into an argument with Steve about where I would stay, since I didn't have family here except him. I didn't know where I wanted to stay. It's not that I didn't want to stay with Steve it's just; his dad scares me when he's drunk. It's also not like I didn't want to stay with the Curtis's, I mean I like them, but I didn't want to impose you know? Darry already has it hard enough I don't need to add to any stress.

I don't know I'm just complicated I guess. Then there is Dallas…. I've stayed with him before, not like that…. But Steve would kill me if I stayed with Dallas again. I knew Dallas wouldn't do anything to me but Steve I guess didn't trust my instincts. I'm not even gonna start on Shepard his name says it all! I continued to walk when I heard someone cry in pain. I saw a male crouched low on the ground and then completely fell over. I ran over to him quickly and I may not have realized it then… I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life.

I reached him and he tried to get up. "Your hurt Just relax, I'm gonna help you" I said soothingly and he nodded. "What's your name?" I asked. "Anthony" he replied weak. "Ok Anthony, I'm Lily" I responded. I took him to the hospital and they settled him into a room. I didn't want to go talk to Steve just yet and Anthony didn't want me to leave so I stayed with him… Besides Anthony was a little out of it. It probley wasn't the smartest idea to stay but I couldn't help but feel bad for the guy.

The Next morning I left early when he was talking to a doctor. I knew Steve was going to want an explanation for not coming back and he was gonna want to know where I was. The now warm air was blowing my soft black hair. When I reached the Curtis's house only Ponyboy and Two-bit were inside. "Hey Pony, Hey Two-bit" I said. "Hey Kiddo where you been?" Two-bit asked and gave a small grin as he turned away from Mickey on the TV. Two-bit is eighteen and I'm sixteen and even though we are only two year apart he still always calls me kiddo. I guess I just stopped caring at a point and it kind of grew on me.

"I was with a Friend" I said not exactly lying but not fully telling the truth and he nodded. "Well I'm going for a walk you wanna come?" two-bit asked us both. "Sure ill come" I said. "Pony you wanna come?" "Nah Johnny is suppose to be coming over soon" pony replied and we nodded. "Alright see you later pony" I said as we walked out. As we walked passed Johnnycake's house there was a lot of screaming.

Johnny Cade doesn't have the best home. His mom is always yelling at him and his dad always hits him. I wish there was something we could do for him…. But it seems as if there is nothing. I sighed at the lifestyle they all had to live. I mean I didn't have the best parents either, but my dad never hit me. I just got yelled at a lot until I was too much of a "burden" so they dumped me in Tulsa to live with Steve.

It's better than living with them so it works out perfect for me. Also ill be around people who actually cared for me. None of us really had a good lifestyle but in some way we had to learn to live with it. "You know Steve is worried sick about you" Two-bit said to me breaking the silence. "I know" I said softly. "So what friend were you with?" Two-bit asked. "Oh uh his name is Anthony" I said. "Anthony? Hmm sounds familiar from like school or something… how come you haven't talked about him?" he asked. "I met him last night" I said and Two-bit looked at me.

"Little dangerous don't you think?" Two-bit asked. "What isn't in Tulsa, besides I'd say right now the only thing I have to worry 'bout that's dangerous is Steve when he actually sees me" I said and Two-bit cracked a grin. Two-bit slung his arm around my shoulders as we continued to walk. Of course once he saw a blonde he wandered off and told me he'd catch me later as he walked to the blonde. I rolled my eyes playfully and laughed. "Hey Lily!" I heard and turned to see Anthony and a couple of Socs. I tensed but stayed cool as I waited for them to come over. "Hey…" I said shyly and partially scared since they were Socs. I didn't know how I didn't realize he was a Soc last night… Now I knew I was in trouble.

The Socs seemed to not notice I was a Greaser, maybe it was the way I was dressed. I didn't exactly dress like a normal greaser girl would. "How are you?" he asked. "I'm fine how are you? I didn't think you'd be out of the hospital this early" I replied. "Yeah just a few scratches and bruises but I'm alright" he replied with a friendly smile.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked and he nodded. "I'll be right back guys" he said and they nodded. When we got a hearing distance away I took a deep breath. "You're a soc?" I asked and he nodded. "Yeah what'd you think?" he asked. "I don't know….." I replied softly. "Why…. Your not a…" he kept trailing off. "I just moved here, my cousin is Steve... He's a Grease… and since I live with him now… I guess that makes me a Greaser" I replied softly. He looked at me with a shocked and also blank expression at the same time if that is even possible and he was speechless. "Look I'm glad you're alright but maybe it's better for us if we didn't associate with each other…. Bye Anthony" I said as politely and kindly as I could and walked away.


	2. You know how to waste my time

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily. **

**Author Note: thanks to monkeypants17 for the Review. Also the italic Lyrics in this chapter are the song Waste my Time by Alexz Johnson**

**He loves me… or He loves me Not… The outsiders**

I walked to The DX since I knew Steve would want an explanation and he did deserve one. I felt bad for running off like I did when we were arguing but I couldn't stay at that house. If I did I would have blown up and Steve knows just as well as I do that everything turns out bad then. On my walk over I got a few catcalls from Socs driving by in cars, obviously not knowing I was a Greaser or they probley wouldn't of. When I reached the DX, Soda was outside and just finished filling some guy's car with gas. "Hey soda" I said quietly as I reached him. "Lily Are you alright?! You had everyone worried" he said pulling me into a hug.

Soda was always nice to me, shoot he was nice to everyone, but he is like pony. They aren't exactly alike but when I need someone to talk to, I go to one of them. "Yeah I'm fine, I just needed to leave or I would have blown up then and there" I explained and Soda nodded. "You're gonna have to go explain to Steve" He said and I nodded. "Yeah… where is he?" I asked and Soda nodded to the garage where they fix up the cars. I should have guessed Steve is a car-aholic. He has always loved cars for as far back as I can remember.

I made my way to the garage and saw Steve under a car fixing it up. Steve moved from under the car and went to the rag. As he wiped off his hands, he still hadn't noticed me. "Steve…." I said real soft. He turned to me and pulled me straight into a hug. "Where were you? We looked all over for you but we still couldn't find you" Steve said worry in his eyes as I stared up at him. "The hospital…" I said. "The hospital?" he started looking over me to see any scars or marks. "Not for me…. For a… Well this is what happened…" I started.

"When I left the house I went walking and I saw this guy on the ground. He got hurt real bad, must of got ganged up on or something. So I helped him and since he was really badly hurt I took him to the hospital" I explained. "Bet you Some Socs probley ganged up on him, they're always looking for someone to beat up" he said as he fixed whatever had to be fixed. "I don't know…" I lied 'cause I knew it was probley Greasers that ganged up on him since Anthony was a Soc but there wasn't any proof. "So what was his name?" Steve said breaking me out of my thoughts. "Huh? Oh Anthony" I answered. "Anthony...Anthony...hmmm Soda you know an Anthony?" he said as Soda entered the garage.

"Greaser or Soc?" Soda asked. "Greaser" Steve replied. 'No Soc...' I thought to myself. "Hmm none that I know of... I knew of a Soc named Anthony when I was in School though… but no greaser" Soda explained. "Maybe he just moved, I mean I didn't really ask because he was hurt" I said and Steve nodded. "Yeah maybe your right" he added to his nod. As Soda and Steve talked I went into the shop and grabbed a Coca-Cola. I gave my money to Soda when I came back outside. I watched as cars and people passed by. A nice looking car pulled in didn't look like any greaser car… but a Soc car.

"Soda you got a customer" I said as he came back out and I pointed to the car with my Coke. He walked over and I realized what I thought was right. It was Anthony and a few of his friends from before. I sighed and Steve looked to see what I sighed about. "No good Socs…" Steve muttered and went back to fixing the car. "I'm gonna head back to the Curtis's ill see you when you get off work" I said and he hugged back as I hugged him. "Sure you gonna be there when I get off work?" he teased and smiled. "Yeah I will be" I said and smiled back. "We'll go to the Dingo tonight for a burger, just talk for awhile ok?" he asked and I nodded. "See you later" I said and walked out the garage.

I walked passed Anthony and his friends and hoped he wouldn't notice me but to my misfortune he did. "Lily! Hey Lily wait up!" I heard Anthony call. I sighed and turned to face him. How was I ever gonna explain this to Steve and Soda? "Can we talk?" he asked softly. "Not now Anthony, My cousin and his best buddy are here" I said and turned to walk again. "Please only for a minute?" he asked. I turned back to him and Saw Soda staring at me. "Only a minute" I said and he nodded. "Look I know we're from two different sides of town but you helped me I want to make it up to you… I want to get to know you... Who knows even maybe become friends" he said and I sighed.

"And what happens when your friends find out I'm a Greaser? I bet they don't know I am one 'cause I don't dress like a Grease, I dress average" I said looking over my outfit. "No they don't… but I really do want to get to know you… Your pretty and you just seem like someone I could really talk to" he said. I looked over to see Steve wiping his hands with the rag as Soda and he both watched Anthony and I as they talked to one another. "We've been talking for too long look you're a Soc and I'm a Grease…. It can't work" I said and turned to walk.

He grabbed my arm but probley from the way I turned quickly to him, it probley seemed like he jerked me back. I noticed Soda and Steve's facial expression go to anger as they headed over. "There a problem here?" I heard a familiar voice behind me say. I turned to see Dallas Winston along with Johnny and Ponyboy and I smiled. This was the first time I saw Dally since my last vacation here. He was at Buck's the night I got here and got into an argument with Steve. Dally was also protective of me, like he is with Johnny. Seeing as I'm the same age as Johnny maybe that had something to do with it… but yet Pony is only 14 and isn't close to Dally. Or maybe it's because I'm Steve's cousin… I'm not entirely sure.

"No… There's no Problem" he said letting my arm go quickly realizing how bad he made it look. He really didn't even hurt me just shocked me a bit which is why I turned to him so quick. "Just wanted to talk…" he said and looked at Dally. "Didn't look like it" Dally said having that cold look in his eye as he always does. "Dally let me handle this" I said and Dally kept his cold glare on Anthony as I pulled him away from the group. "Listen… I'm sorry about all that but this is why I can't talk to you around the guys. Your friends may not know I'm a Greaser, but my friends know you're a Soc, I'm really sorry. Maybe sometime we could hang out… I want to get to know you too… but right now I don't think it would work out" I said and he nodded. "Alright…. Maybe I could take you to the Nightly double sometime?" he asked real soft and sweet.

I knew he wasn't a danger to me. I know not all Socs are as bad as the gang makes them out to be. "Maybe" I said and smiled softly. I saw a small smile come on his lips and then I walked back over to the gang. Steve and Soda were talking to Dally. Pony and Johnny were just keeping quiet and listening to whatever they had to say. "Hey Dallas!" I said happily and smiled as I went into his arms for a hug. "Hey Baby" he said as he chuckled a bit. Although nothing is going on between me and Dally he still called me baby… hey I wasn't complaining, 'cause yeah I've had a crush on him since I met him. Something about that whole bad boy image and just the way he always acts, I don't know I can't really explain my attraction to him. I don't think Steve is all to fond with Dally calling me baby though.

I have a feeling Steve knows I like him but he wont say anything about it to me. He warned me to be careful around Dallas though, just because of how he can get when he is in a dangerous mood. I have been around him when he was in a dangerous mood but I wasn't alone. I think that might be one of my fears. As much as I care for Dallas… I think I'm afraid to be alone with him when he is in a dangerous mood. He doesn't really care if you're male or female when he is in that mood. He'll beat up just about anyone… Greaser or Soc.

I had a couple friends from my hometown to come visit Tulsa with me. When they met Dallas they said I was crazy for liking a guy like him. Of course they were drooling over Soda. I have some friends here from when I use to visit, I came to see them too and even they tell me I was crazy. "Ok we got to get back to work" Soda said patting Steve's Shoulder. "Yeah, I'll see you at the Curtis's after work?" he asked and I nodded. "I'm gonna hang with Dally, Johnny and Pony for awhile though" I said and he nodded. "Watch her Dallas" Steve called as he walked back to the garage. "I will" Dally called and we all started walking.

As we walked Johnny and Pony walked a little behind Dally and I in there own conversation. "So Back in Tulsa for good huh?" Dally said and gave a rare smile. "Yup, parents didn't want me anymore, I'm too much of a burden" I said doing the air quotes around burden. He chuckled a bit. "Maybe I could interest you in a Coke at the Dingo tonight." Those feelings for Dallas were coming back. It's not like they ever left but now they are more noticeable to me now that I'm actually around Dallas.

_Friends are telling me I lost my mind when I hooked up with you maybe that's true Said that I'll wake up one day asking what did I do maybe that's true too …_

"I…" I almost said yes when I remembered Steve was taking me tonight. I decided to tease Dally, just to see if he is the same ol' Dally. "I can't…" I said and smiled. "Oh yeah? And whys that?" Dally asked. "I got a date…" I said and I saw from the corner of my eye dally looking at me. My heart raced as I saw him staring at me, just waiting for his response.

_When I'm with you everything's alright All I know is how I feel When you're with me Waste my time, waste my time Not so sure that I'll be yours And baby you could be mine It's all about hanging out Cause you know how to waste my time…_

"Really now? Already forgetting about me?" Dally teased. "Yup, you're just a thing of the past, flavor of the month if you will…." I teased back with a playful smile. "So who's the hot date with?" he asked curiously. Hmm tell him the truth or tease him more? Tease. "Curly Shepard" I said and contained my laughter… well tried more like. Dally looked at me like I was insane. I couldn't take it anymore I just started laughing. "I'm not that crazy Dallas… No Steve just wants to take me out tonight so we can talk and see where I'm staying." I said and I laughed a bit more. To my surprise I heard Dally laugh a bit too.

_Nothing like an empty day with nowhere to be you're right there with me  
laughing as the world goes by how we let the day moving way too fast…_

"You could always stay with me baby" Dally said with a smirk and then wrapped his arm wrapped around my shoulders. I could tell he was thinking dirty. Typical. I just rolled my eyes playfully and laughed. "I highly doubt Steve is gonna let me stay with you, he hardly likes you calling me baby" I explained. "But you still let me call you baby despite what Steve has to say about it" Dally said. It was true… he did have a point.

_Cause when I'm with you I don't really care What they all want me to be  
I just want you beside me Waste my time, waste my time Not so sure that I'll be yours And baby you could be mine It's all about hanging out Cause you know how to waste my time…_

"Yeah but this is different Dally" I said and he laughed a bit. "Yeah I guess it is… Maybe I could take you to the Dingo another day then" he said as he kept his arm around me and we continued to walk. "Careful Dally I might just take you up on that offer" I said and we both smiled.

_Waste my time (wasting my time) Waste my time (yeah, yeah)  
Not so sure that I'll be yours But baby you could be mine (you could be mine)  
It's all about (yeah girl, it's all about) Hanging out (we hanging out)  
Cause you know how to waste my time (wasting my time)  
Mmm, you know how to waste my time_


	3. It Could be You

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily. **

**Author's Note: The Italic Lyrics are "It could be you" by Alexz Johnson**

**He loves me… or He loves me Not… The outsiders**

After hanging around with Dally, Johnny, and Pony around Tulsa for awhile we all decided to go hang at Pony's since Steve and Soda are getting off work soon. When we got inside I saw Two-bit with a beer in hand watching TV. "What happened to the Blonde?" I asked. "She had a Boyfriend" he said and I laughed. "Poor two-bit" I said with a smile. About 5 minutes later Steve and Soda walked in along with Darry. He was glad to see me and know that I was ok.

"Ready to go?" Steve asked me and I nodded. We went to his house real quick so he could shower and change. When he re-greased his hair we left for the Dingo. The way there we just talked about if anything new happened, or how everything was going, just the simple stuff. We sat in a booth when we got inside and ordered our usual. "So where are you going to stay?" Steve finally asked. "I don't know, I wanna stay with you but…." I started. "I know its ok. You could always stay at the Curtis's, I'm sure they won't mind" he finished.

"That'd be asking for too much from them" I said and we sat in silence thinking. "What about Dally..." I said breaking the silence. "What about him?" he asked looking up from the table. "I could stay with him…" I said and Steve stared at me. "No" he simply said. "Why not?! He's in your own gang shouldn't you trust him?" I asked. "Its not that I don't trust him, I don't trust you two together" he said. "Thanks..." I said sarcastically.

"What about Evie?" he asked. "What about her?" I asked. Now it was my turn to be Negative. "Why don't you stay with her?" he asked. "One, I don't even know if I could or if she'd want me to, Two id only feel like she's letting me cause I'm your cousin, Three I don't know her that well, so No" I said. I wasn't trying to be difficult I just wanted to stay in a place I'd be comfortable.

"Speak of the Devil" I said taking a sip of my coke as Evie came though the door. Steve turned around to face the door and I know he was smiling. "Hey Baby" he said and kissed her as she smiled and sat beside him. 'So much for Family time' I thought to myself. I got up without saying anything. "Lily where you going?" Steve asked. "Going to find some people to hang with" I said. "What about your food?" he asked. "Evie can have it" I said as I walked out the door.

I walked around Tulsa and talked to a few people. Talked to some old friends I haven't seen in awhile, some of the Brumly boys, the Shepards and some of their gang, just anyone I haven't talked to since my last visit about a year or so ago. "Hey baby, thought you had a date" I heard a friendly voice behind me and I smiled. I turned to be face to face with Dally. "Did but Evie crashed the party" I said. "So you know where you're staying?" he asked. "Nope" I said as we walked together. "I thought that was one of the reasons you and Steve went to the Dingo." He replied. "Yeah but When I gave him the idea to stay with you he was all against it, and when he had the idea for me to stay with Evie, I was all against it so it didn't work out to well" I answered.

"Guess you were right about the whole not wanting you staying with me" he said and chuckled a bit. "He said its not you he doesn't trust, it's us together that he doesn't trust" I repeated Steve. "So what now?" he asked. "I don't know. Where you headed?" I asked. "Buck's having a party, I was thinking of going... Maybe you'd want to join me?" he said and smirked. I smiled and shook my head side to side slowly. "You never change Dallas" I said and smiled. "Neither do you…" he said stepping close. He leaned his head down towards me and I could smell the sweet scent of his breath.

"Hey Dallas!" We heard someone call. I looked in the same direction as Dally and saw Tim Shepard heading his way. "Hey Tim how's it going?" he asked. "Not bad, I need a favor though" Tim said. He looked at me and smirked a bit. "Hey Lily" he said. "Hey Tim" I said giving a small smile. Tim looked back at Dally and nodded to a different direction so they could talk. When they walked away to talk it was just me and Curly. "So how you been Curly?" I asked. "Alright I guess, just got out of the reformatory a few days ago" he replied. "You haven't changed one bit Curly" I said and he smiled. "Nah, Got a cigarette?" he asked and I nodded.

"Yeah here you go" I said and handed him a cigarette and got one for myself while I was at it. I lit mine along with his with my match and then took a drag of my cigarette. Curly and I smoked and talked for a bit until Tim and Dally came back. "Alright well ill see you then, Later Lily, come on Curly" Tim said. "Seeya Lily" curly said and walked off. I offered Dally my cigarette and he accepted it taking a drag. He offered it back. "Finish it" I said and he took another drag.

"So you in for Buck's party?" Dally asked. "I don't know Dally…" I said hesitantly. I wasn't a big fan of Buck he was definitely an odd one. "Come on, no one with mess with you when your hanging with me" he said and I knew it was true. "Alright I guess" I said and he smirked. He put his arm around me and we headed to Buck's car since Dally took it. When we got to his house I instantly heard the music. I followed Dally inside and he got two beers. After handing me one I followed him over to a poker game. I didn't feel like playing so I decided to watch. This way I get to see for the next game who I could catch bluffing. I laughed at certain things some of the guys did when they were bluffing that no one really usually caught.

"I don't have any cigarettes left you got any?" I asked dally. "Yeah in my room" he said and I nodded. I stood up and headed upstairs. I remembered where is room was and headed in their. "This is a mess…" I said to myself as I opened his door. I started searching for his cigarettes and then found them in the top draw of the nightstand. I heard the door creak a bit and I saw Dally.

"Found them?" he said with a smile. "Yeah your whole stash" I said as I looked in the draw and saw at least 6 packs, probably all stolen. Dally walked over and shut it. "Guess I'm gonna have to hide them again so you don't steal them" he said and I laughed a bit. "Not like it matters you probably stole those anyways." I replied and he smiled a bit. I was about to pull one of the cigarettes out when I felt dally move closer and put his hands on my sides.

I looked up at him since I was shorter than him and swallowed. My heart raced as I looked at him and started realizing what Steve was talking about not wanting me at Buck's party's.

_You and me, all alone It's to late to say we didn't know we shouldn't be, all alone One of us might lose control all these feelings we've been hiding Deep down, yeah they might start to show Not here, not now watching my frustrations grow_

I felt Dally's lips crash down on mine for a rough kiss and I kissed back. Part of me wanted to push away so it wouldn't go any farther but another part was longing for this kiss… but still wanted nothing more.

_I know what I feel and you feel it too I dream of the first kiss and who'll make the first move Who's gonna put their heart on the line It could be me It could be you, tonight_

"Dally…" I said when I pushed away. "What?" he asked. "It's just… What you want, I'm not ready for. I'm not like Sylvia and I can't be like her, I wont be like her" I said explaining myself. Dally looked away from me and licked his lips a bit. "I never said I wanted you to be like her" he said looking at me again. I looked into his eyes and it seemed like he was a different person, but yet the same person…

_Show me, who you are stop me before I go to far cause it hurts, to hold back So hold me or I might crack I'm gasoline, you're the match I'm not sure if we could handle that It might explode, could be a mess I say we take the chance… _

"I like you Dally… a lot I do" I said. "I looked at the clock and it said 1:45 am. "Steve is gonna kill me!" I groaned. I started to walk passed Dally but he grabbed my arm. I looked up at him again and once again felt his lips collide with mine, but this time a much softer and sweeter kiss.

_I'm all mixed up, confused I don't know what to do 'cause I want to, I'd love to if I knew you'd want me to…_

"I have to go" I said softly as I rested my head on his chest. "Come on" he said and we headed downstairs and out the door to Buck's car. "Steve is probably at the Curtis's so just drive me there" I said and he nodded. We talked a little on the way there until we reached in front of the Curtis's. "Thanks for the ride Dallas" I said as I shut the car door. "Anytime baby" he said and I headed up the steps and heard him drive off. I really wasn't looking forward to hearing Steve yell… I knew he was going to because I knew he was mad.


	4. Just Stick to one girl

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily. **

**Author's Note: sorry my review thing was messed up earlier so I couldn't see who reviewed so I want to thank wAyTaRoCkIt for reviewing Chapter 2 and also now monkeypants17 and Maddie Miguel for reviewing chapter 3! Well hope you enjoy this one Also sorry it took so long to update!**

**He loves me… or He loves me Not… The outsiders**

I hesitantly opened the door and saw Darry, Steve, and Soda in the living room. I guessed that pony was asleep and Johnny was probably asleep in the lot. I really hated when he did that. "Where have you been?!" Steve half yelled and I knew he was holding himself back to yell more. "I was hanging out with Dally… we went to Buck's and h…" "YOU WENT WITH DALLY TO BUCKS?!" he yelled as he interrupted me. "Steve we didn't do anything" I said. Ok so maybe thait's partly a lie. I mean truthfully we didn't _do_ anything that I knew he was thinking… only kissed.

"I've told you so many times I didn't want you going to Buck's and I told you why!" he argued with me. Arguing with Steve is like arguing with a parent… no matter how hard you try you'll never win. Soda looked at me and I guess he could tell I was about to forget about explaining and just storm out like last night. "Steve why don't you just crash on the couch tonight, Lily can use my old room so you can both cool off and talk about this in the morning" Soda said to avoid anymore arguing.

"Alright yeah" Steve said breathing in. "I'm sorry I worried you ok?" I said sincerely. "We'll talk about it in the morning" he said and I hugged him. I went to soda's old room and got ready for bed. I got snuggled up and warm under the covers and soon fell asleep. The next morning I woke to Soda jumping on me. "Ah! Soda come on! You weigh a ton!" I said gasping for air as I turned and he sat, straddling my hips. "Breakfast is ready" he said giving that movie star grin.

"So you decided to wake me like this?" I asked and laughed a bit with whatever air I had. "Pretty much" he said still smiling. "Come on Soda get off her" Steve said hitting Soda in the back of the head with his hat. He got off of me and I sat up. Steve sat beside me on the bed. "Look I'm sorry for blowing up on you last night, but its just it's not that I don't trust you, I just don't trust the people who go to Buck's party" He said and I nodded. "I know, I'm sorry I meant to come home earlier but I was watching the guys play poker and lost track of time" I explained and he nodded.

"I have to go to work, we can talk more later, come by the DX if you have nothing to do" he said and I nodded. He kissed my forehead and left the room shutting the door behind him. I guess you could say that Steve and I have an odd relationship. We could be arguing and blowing up on each other one minute but then the next be like a close brother and sister type. I don't know were odd like that. After taking my shower and changing, I decided to go hang around Tulsa. Maybe go find Dally or someone else I knew to hang out with.

As I was walking I felt as if a car was following me. I didn't look back since I was kind of scared. I just continued to walk. "Hey Lily want a ride?" I heard someone and was relieved to see Two-bit. "Nah, I'm ok, just wanted to walk around Tulsa for awhile" I said. "You sure?" he asked. "Yeah positive" I said and he nodded. "Ok be careful" he said and I nodded. I continued walking and found myself towards the movie theater. "Hey Lily" I heard and saw Anthony alone. "You stalking me or something?" I asked smiling playfully.

"Seems that way huh?" He said and gave that sweet smile. "But no I'm not, promise" he said and I nodded. "I believe you" I said. "So… I was wondering...Maybe I could take you to the Nightly Double tonight or something" he asked and I smiled. "Yeah that would be cool", but I don't think it'd be too hot an idea to pick me up at the Curtis's so ill meet you in the Concession stand tonight" I said and he nodded. "Ok sounds good" he replied and smiled.

"Hey Lily, he bothering you?" I heard someone say and I saw the Shepards and some of their gang coming over. "Nah, he was just leaving" I said acting like I didn't want him around and Anthony caught on. "Yeah, wouldn't want to be around her anyway" he said playing along and walked off. Tim eyed him as he walked off giving him that same glare dally did. "What's going on?" Tim asked as I walked with him and his gang. "Nothing really, just looking for people to hang with" I replied. "You can hang with me all you want Baby" he said and smirked as his arm went over me. I couldn't help but smile.

So I may not like Shepard like that, but he is still a good friend. Even though Steve doesn't approve of it, he can't really do anything about it. I know he is dangerous but he is kind of like Dallas, protective of me. I decided to go to the Dingo with them since that's where they were heading. "Hey Dally" Tim called as saw him outside. I noticed he had an arm around Sylvia. I hated her so much. I felt a pang of jealousy as we got closer. I saw Dally's class ring on her finger as she kept putting her hand in front of her as if she was showing off while she looked at it. "Hey Tim" he said and then eyed us. "You together or something?" he asked. "No were not" I answered before Tim could because I knew he would say we were. "I'm gonna go get a coke" I said and headed inside.

As I waited at the counter for my coke I felt two hands slid onto my sides. I could tell it was Dally by his touch. "Don't touch me Dallas" I said with anger. "What's wrong baby?" he asked softly into my ear. I shoved him away from me but he only went back a bit. He sat on the barstool type chair in front of the counter and stared at me. "What do you want Dallas?!" I asked him with a hint of anger in my voice. "What's up with you?" he asked. "So were you with Sylvia before or after yesterday?" I asked hiding my jealousy and putting my anger out.

"Who said I was with her?" he said. "Well for one you had your arm around her" I said. "Yeah and Tim had his arm around you, but you aren't with him" he said. Damn I hated when he made good points. "Where's your ring Dallas? Oh I forgot it's on Sylvia and don't think I didn't see it on her finger. She was practically showing it off." I said and Dally sighed. "Before" he answered. "Oh nice, so I was just gonna be some One night Stand" I said and now I didn't even want my coke. I turned and started walking. "No because I wouldn't have gotten anything from you" he said loud enough for everyone to hear just to embarrass me.

As I walked over to him I heard whistles and catcalls. "What the hell is your problem?" I said. "I don't have a problem do you?" he asked and I glared. I shoved him so hard he fell off the stool. I turned to walk away and I guess to save his rep when he heard the laughing he was starting to head toward me. "Whoa relax Dallas" Tim said holding him back when he entered the Dingo. I saw the dangerous glint in his eyes and knew it was my key to leave. Great just when I thought Dallas and I left the Love/Hate relationship behind 3 years ago, it comes back…

I decided it would be better to just walk around and think until it was time to get ready for my date. As I continued to walk Dallas ended up catching up with me. "Lily" he said as I kept walking. He grabbed my arm and turned me to face him. "What Dallas? Don't you have a girl to have hanging on you?" I said anger in my voice. He pressed his lips to mine again and I started to kiss back. I began thinking of what just happened and shoved him off. "Would you stop shoving me away, I know you want me" he said. By now I was just about as furious with him as you can be.

"Dallas, you have a girl so go back to her, I mean it's what you would do anyway. Besides I have a date tonight so I have to go get ready" I said and just left before he could say anything else.


	5. Just a Simple Date

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily. **

**Author's Note: Thanks to Monkeypants17 and Maddie Miguel for reviewing and to everyone who read it **

**He loves me… or He loves me Not… The outsiders**

I got to the Curtis's 'cause that's currently where all my clothes and everything is. I got dressed into a decent length skirt, not like the greaser girls, and a nice shirt. In ways I didn't feel like myself. It was getting dark so I headed downstairs, just calling to the boys that I was leaving and left. Yeah I know not really the best way to say I'm leaving but I didn't want them to ask questions. I started walking and heard someone familiar. "Hey Sweetheart where you headed?" they said and I looked over to see Anthony in his car. I smiled and walked to the passenger side door. "I thought we were going to meet each other at the Concession Stand" I said. "Yeah, but I didn't feel much like a gentleman making you walk so…" he said and got out, heading over to me.

"I thought id pick you up" he said and smiled as he opened my door. I smiled and got in the car. We drove to the theater and he paid for us to get in. "Want anything?" he asked when we got into a parking spot. "Oh ill go get stuff" I said. "No, I couldn't…" he started. "It's the least I could do after you picked me up and paid to get in" I said and smiled. "Besides exercise is good for me" I added and he smiled. "Alright but it's on me" he said and took money out and handed it to me. I headed to the concession stand and as I walked passed the seat I saw Sylvia. Thankfully she didn't notice me but that meant that Dallas was here…

I quickly got popcorn and sodas and paid. I walked to the car when I heard Dallas. "Hey Baby" he said and I closed my eyes tight as I stopped. "Why don't you leave your boyfriend and I can show you what a real man is like" I heard him say and Tim laughed. At that point I recognized that Dallas and Tim didn't realize it was me. I was dressed kinda Socy without even meaning to. I breathed in and kept walking. I got to the car and handed Anthony the snacks. "You alright?" he asked when we settled in. "Yeah, I'm fine" I said and smiled. He put his arm around me and we watched the movie.

"I'm going to go get some more popcorn you want any?" he asked about an 35 minutes into the movie and I shook my head. I continued to watch the movie when he left. I wasn't actually sure what the movie was about but it was kind of scary. There was a tap on the glass and I jumped. I turned to see Two-bit. I rolled the window down. "Jesus Two-bit give me a heart attack" I said and he smiled. "Sorry, so who you with? Got yourself a hot date?" he said smirking. "Oh shut up Matthews, I'm here with Anthony" I said and smiled. "Anthony huh?" he said still smiling. He was surprisingly sober enough. "You're dressed awfully… Socy, if I didn't know any better I'd say Anthony was a Soc" right when Two-bit said that Anthony came back. "Hi…" Anthony said to two-bit a little unsure. "Oh uh… Two-bit this is Anthony, Anthony this is Two-bit" I introduced and two-bit just gave him a nod.

"Can I talk to you Lily?" Two-bit asked and I nodded. I got out of the car and we walked away a bit. "A Soc?!" he said and I sighed. "Please don't tell anyone please!" I said and two-bit started muttering some things to himself. "I'm not promising anything, besides are you out of your mind?! Dallas and Tim are here what do you think they'll do if they see you with a Soc?!" he said and I don't think I've ever seen Two-bit so serious in his life… Except for the day Johnny got jumped. Two-bit sighed and rubbed his temples. "Just get out of here before…" Two-bit couldn't finish because Dally came over. "Lily? What are you doing here? And why are you dressed like that?" he gave me a look and then saw who I was with.

The dangerous glint came into his eye and he went to the driver side. He took Anthony out and slammed him onto the side of the car and held him there. "Dallas Stop!" I yelled but he just glared at Anthony. "This some kind of sick joke to you? Play with her and then Just jump her so you can have a good laugh with your Soc friends?!" Dallas growled with so much anger. "No, no it's not like that I swear!" Anthony trembled in fear. I could tell Anthony wasn't that much of a fighter, but hey having Dallas Winston yelling at you is no picnic.

"Dallas please, just come on" I said grabbing his arm trying to pull him from Anthony. Dally shook my arm from his and punched Anthony connecting right to his jaw. "You better watch yourself" Dally said to Anthony and grabbed my arm as he pulled me along. "I'm Sorry" I mouthed to Anthony and he just nodded. "A Soc Lily?! What's the matter with you?" Dallas said behind clenched teeth, still a hint of anger in his voice. "I…" I started. "Wait till Steve hears about this, get in" Dally said letting me go as he went to driver side of the car. "Dallas! Please don't tell Steve!" I begged. "Why? You got yourself into this mess" he said showing no sympathy.

Maybe I shouldn't have done this… but I did anyways. "So heard you're with Sylvia still" I said and Dally just turned looking at me. "Your point is?" he said. "You tell Steve and ill tell Sylvia you went up to Buck's room with me" I said and he just smirked. "Tell her whatever you want Baby" he said leaning his back against the car and lighting a cigarette. "I'm telling Steve, now get in" he said turning and opening the door. "I'll tell Steve about Buck's" I said quickly. "And you'll get in just as much trouble as I would" he said looking at me. "Not if I tell him I tried to stop you, and you would of went farther if Buck didn't knock" I said and swallowed hard when Dallas got that dangerous glint again. "Get in the car now" he said clenching his teeth. I got in and stayed quiet the entire ride.

He drove up to the Curtis's house and parked in front. "Dallas, I'm sorry ok? But please you can't tell Steve. I'll never hear the end of it and from the other guys too... So please I beg you" I said and sighed when he just stared at me. "Let's go" he said and got out of the car. I followed him up to the door. He opened it and let me go in first. "Hey guys what's wrong?" Soda asked when he saw my face. "Why don't you ask Lily about her date" Dally said and I glared at him. All the boys looked at me and I turned a bit red.

Dally came back in the room a beer in hand and sat on the couch putting his feet on the little table. "I…umm" I started. I didn't want to tell them… I didn't know how I could. "She went out with a Soc, you know the one we saw grab her at the Gas station" Dally said and I glared at me. "I never liked beggars" he said looking at me as he was referring to when I said "I beg you" and gave a smooth satisfied grin.


	6. Can I Keep you?

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily. **

**Author's Note: Thanks to Sc1986, nobodygal2, Monkeypants17 for reviewing and to everyone who read it The italic song lyrics in this Chapter is Can I keep you by November Blessing. Check him out on myspace at /novemberblessing **

Everyone looked at me. "A Soc?" Steve said a little too calm and it scared me. He stood up slowly and turned as he rubbed the back of his neck with both hands. He did that when he was trying to stay calm or thinking… I had a feeling it was the first one. "A SOC LILY?!" he yelled as he turned quickly. I jumped a little since he startled me. I hated when people yelled. Even if it wasn't at me. It reminded me of my dad when he use to holler at me. "What is the matter with you?" he said angrily. "Cant you ever do what your told?! I told you those Socs were no good, and I told you while you lived with me you follow my rules and I told you not to hang around those Socs" he yelled at me.

Soda saw in my eyes that I was about to cry and knew I was holding it in. I hate crying, it made me feel like a wimp. 'This is Winston's fault all Winston's fault' I kept repeating in my head. "Steve come on…" Soda said softly trying to stop him before he went too far. Too late. "You wonder why your parents didn't want you!" Steve yelled in anger. The tears fell as I closed my eyes. That hurt worse than any slap, punch, or kick to the face. "Lily I…" Steve started. "Save it Steve!" it was my turn to yell. "I'm Sorry I got poured onto you, I'm sorry my parents didn't want me. I'm sorry I'm so much of a damn burden and I'm sorry that I'm not who you want me to be. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'M SORRY! How many times do you want me to say it" I yelled.

I couldn't take everyone in silence just staring at me. I bolted for the door and ran as fast as I possibly could. Even trying to go faster than my fastest. When I grew tired and couldn't take it anymore I stopped and fell to my knees. I didn't realize where I was and what I landed on. All I knew is that is was hard and uncomfortable but I didn't care. I couldn't move. I couldn't even see because my vision was blurred by tears. I heard a loud rattling noise that blocked over my sounds of crying. A light came into view and was blinding. I turned to see a train speeding towards me. I realized I was on a train track. I couldn't move it was as if I was stuck. 'I'm going to die' was all I could think. "Lily!" I heard a yell and then someone grabbing me and pulling me from the tracks.

"Lily?! Are you alright, come on speak to me" I felt a hand wipe my tear stained face as my body rested in someone's arms in their lap. "Anthony…" I said in a quivered voice. "Yeah, it's me" he said softly pushing my hair softly back. "I'm so sorry!" I said crying again and sat up quickly wrapping my arms around him. "Shhh, come on its ok" He said softly in my ear. "No... No its not" I said in between sobs. I sat up in his lap and looked at his face in the moonlight. "Your eye… it's so badly bruised… this is my entire fault" I said and frowned at him. "For you sweetheart I'd take a bullet" he said wiping away the new tears.

"You would?" I asked as I sniffled. "Of course" he said and smiled that sweet smile.

_These Thoughtless nights have put me through so much pain  
just the thought of being without you for days_

_I never knew I could love someone so much_

"But… you haven't even known me that long" I said softly and looked down. He gently took his hand under my chin and lifted it to look into his eyes. "I wish I met you a long time ago, cause if I like you this much now in only a few days… If I did, id probably be madly in love with you" he said with all seriousness. I looked up at him and he looked down at me. His face inched closer to mine as mine to his. I pulled him by his shirt and collided my lips to his.

_I've lost track of hours since our lips have touched  
and now I realize how much you mean to me  
what I came up with is without you there's no meaning _

He put his forehead to mine as we caught our breath. "I don't want to lose you" I said softly. "You wont lose me baby" he said and pulled me close. "Not without a fight" he said as I snuggled closer to him. "What about Dallas?" I said. "Forget Dallas" he said stroking my hair. "He can't tell me to stay away from you, and I wont" he said and I knew this was gonna go bad. My mind was telling me so, but my heart was telling me to stay with Anthony, that is was fate… a Destiny even that we met. So do I Trust my heart or my mind? I'll trust my heart this time…

"I have no where to go, Steve doesn't want me there. Everyone is mad at me for going out with you tonight. Dallas told them" I said and he sighed. "Come stay with me" he said and I sat up. "What?" I asked and he smiled. "Come stay with me. My parents go to work early tomorrow they don't check up at me at night. They'll never know you were there" he said and smiled. I smiled but then my smile dropped when I thought about upstairs at buck's house. He looked at me and noticed. "Oh… wow that sounded awkward uh… I didn't mean it like that honest" he said and reddened. I smiled at how cute he looked when he was embarrassed. "I know" I said putting my hand lightly on his and kissed his cheek. I moved my face apart from his a little and he pecked my lips softly. "Come on" he said standing up and offering his hands to me. I smiled and took them.

It was about a 20 minute walk to his house. He opened the door and checked to make sure no one was around. "Ok come on" he said softly and I went inside him following me in. He shut the door as softly as he could and a voice came from another room. "Anthony, is that you?" "Uh yeah mom it's me" he called back. "Go upstairs, take a left, it's the second door on the right" he whispered and I nodded. I went upstairs and shut his bedroom door behind me.

I sighed as I thought of all the things that happened tonight. I sat on his bed and put my face in my hands. The door opened and I looked up quickly to see Anthony. "You ok?" he asked with a face of concern. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine" I said and he smiled. "One sec ill be right back" he said and I nodded. When he came back he had some pajamas. "My sis is the same age as you; you're probably the same size. She's at our cousin's for 2 weeks and she won't know. Bathrooms the next door when you take a right" he said and I smiled. "Thanks" I said and took the pajamas and went to go change.

I headed back to Anthony's room and shut the door behind me. I can sleep on the couch downstairs if you'd like, I know it's probably uncomfortable and all" he said turning a little red. "Its fine really, I know you wont do anything" I said and smiled softly. He climbed in after me and turned the lamp off. He started to put his arm around my waist hesitantly because he didn't know how I'd act. He looked at me unsure and I gave him an ok nod. He slowly, still unsure, slid his arm around me. I pushed a dirty blonde lock of his hair out of his eyes and stared into his dark gray eyes. In his eyes and even now as he closed his eyes, I saw a sweet sensitive guy. Not some stuck up Soc who beat greasers for fun, just a normal guy.

Just how I see Steve, or Soda, or Dallas even! Just a normal guy, not just someone who causes trouble or a JD. And at that moment I realized just like what Anthony had said. I'm not gonna let the boys decide who I'm gonna be with it's my decision.

_We'll never know until we follow our dreams  
and my dream is a future with you and me  
'Cause I believe that this is destiny  
and I can give you everything you need  
for you I'd give up everything_

"Anthony…" I whispered softly. "Yeah?" he whispered back softly, eyes still closed. "Can I keep you?" I asked softly. He opened his eyes and moved his head down to look me in my eyes. "Yeah, Sweetheart, You can keep me" I snuggled into his chest and smiled.

_When I told you I loved you...  
I meant every word, so tell me now  
"Can I keep you?"_

_Because you mean the world to me  
for you I'd give up everything…_


	7. Keep with your own kind

**Disclaimer****: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily, Anthony, and any other Character I add in there. **

**Author's****Note****: Thanks to Sc1986 and Monkeypants17 for reviewing and to everyone who waited patiently for this. Sorry about the wait guys!! Enjoy **

**He loves me… or He loves me Not… The outsiders**

I opened my eyes to see the warm sun coming into Anthony's window. I stretched a bit and looked to see Anthony was still asleep. I smiled at how cute he looked. I kissed his lips softly and then I lay on my side. His eyes fluttered open slowly and then he squinted at me as he tried to block out the bright sun. I laughed a bit at how much cuter he looked in the morning. "Hey" I said smiling. "Hey. You sleep well?" he asked. "Yeah" I said and he smiled. "How are you feeling?" he asked. "I've been better" I said and snuggled into his bare chest as he lay on his back.

"I don't doubt that" he said wrapping his arms around me. As corny as it sounds I felt so safe in his arms. As if I was actually wanted. Not just someone to have fun with for a night or be hugged one second and then yelled at the next. With Anthony it was as if I could feel loved, for the first time in the long time. The way I wanted to be loved…

"What do you say to going to Rusty's for a coke?" he asked. I remembered that Rusty's was a Socy place. I was a little unsure and Anthony could tell. "No one will mess with you, not when you're with me" he said and smiled. I couldn't help but smile. "Ok" I said and he got up. I didn't really notice before but Anthony was actually pretty fit. Almost enough maybe to take Dallas... Ok no maybe not. He may have muscle but Dally fights dirty, maybe enough to give Two-bit or even Steve a good fight.

I borrowed more of his sister's clothes. Lucky for me she didn't dress super socy, casual just like me. We left the house and he locked the door behind us. I felt his hand gently touch mine. I smiled and let his hand slide into mine. We got to Rusty's and he bought me a coke. We decided to have them outside and we also went to some of his friends. "Hey Jake!" Anthony called and a guy looked over, along with the rest of the group he was with.

"Hey" he said and did a handshake with Anthony. "Hey long time no see" he said referring to me. I remembered him; he was one of the guys who was hanging out with Anthony that day. "Hey" I said and smiled. "So any news?" Anthony asked. "Yeah, but none your going to like" Jake informed. "Alright lets hear it" he responded. I kind of zoned out until I heard Dallas. "Dallas?! What's he got to do with anything?" Anthony asked. "News has is that he's not too happy with the girl your with" he said referring to me.

"Also said something about he's going to teach you a lesson about messing with his turf and the people who live there" he added and Anthony knew exactly what Dallas meant and so did I… he meant me. I sighed. "Maybe we should just go, stay away from the tracks and the East side" I whispered in Anthony's ear. "So how'd you find all this out?" Anthony asked. "Dallas personally gave me the message when I went to the DX" another guy said. We all looked at him. "Personally gave me this too" he said pulling his shirt up a bit to see a bruised side.

I winced a bit and felt bad. I felt like everything that was about to happen was my entire fault and somehow this guilt was going to be terrible. "So how's this all going to work out Mike?" he asked the guy who had a bruised side. "He said he doesn't want to wait long, he said to meet at the park tonight in East side, he said it's going to be worse if he has to come searching for you" mike informed.

"If you see him before then… tell him ill be waiting" Anthony said as he took my hand in his and we walked away. I stayed with Anthony as the hours passed too quickly. "Anthony you don't have to do this" I said. "Yes I do" he said. The doorbell rang and Anthony answered the door. The same group of guys from Rusty's was at the door. "Ready?" Jake asked. We all piled in two cars and drove to the park on the east side.

I knew Dally would have Shepard's gang or at least some with him. And as I predicted when we pulled up, there was Dally, Tim, Curly and about 3 others from Shepard's gang. They parked and got out the cars and headed over to them. All of them were smoking cigarettes, that wasn't a shocker. "Well Lily glad you could make it" Dally remarked and smiled. "Have fun with your little Socy friends?" Dally asked mockingly. "Dallas please stop this" I said softly as I stood in front of him. "Ill go with you, but please you guys don't have to fight, please Ill do anything" I added and Dally looked at me and them smirked mischievously.

Ok yeah, not the best words to say to Dallas Winston. "Anything?" he said and smirked. "Now really Lily, look just 'cause I'm still with Sylvia doesn't mean you have to go with this rich scum" Dally said and watched Anthony's anger grow. "Dallas stop" I said soft but harsh. "Now tell me… What are you really dating him for, to Make me Jealous… or for his money?" Dally said and I felt tears about to fall. Of all the times Dally as angered me or made me upset, this had to be the worst.

Not only was he making me feel horrible but he was embarrassing me. Anthony pushed me out of the way and connected his right fist to Dally's jaw. Dally staggered back a bit, touched his jaw, and then looked at Anthony. He tackled Anthony before he could get another punch in. All of them broke into a fight except me of course. I saw Curly grab a bottle and break it. "Curly Don't!" but I was too late. He slammed Anthony over the head with it. I saw Dallas smirk. I swallowed hard and tried to keep the tears from falling.

Jake and all of Anthony's friends rushed to Anthony's side. Dally grabbed me, pulling me into his chest and dragged me over to Anthony who was barely conscious on the ground. "Keep with your own kind. Understand?" Dally said and letting his newly lit cigarette drop onto Anthony. Mike was about to jump up but Jake held him back. "Let them go" Jake said and I saw the mix of anger and sorrow in his eyes as he looked at me.

Dally dragged me along with them as they laughed up their victory. "Nice one with the bottle Curly" Dally said as he ruffled Curly's hair. I should have known someone would fight dirty, especially one of the Shepards. I continued to walk and stay silent and blocked out all conversation. When we go to the Curtis's house I ran upstairs to Soda's old room and locked myself in. I lay on his bed and let myself cry.

There was a soft knock on the door a little later. I knew it couldn't be Dallas if it was him he would of tried knocking the door down. "Who is it?" I called wiping some tears. "It's Soda… can I come in?" he asked softly. I got up and opened the door then going back to where I lay before. "You ok?" he asked sitting beside me. "No" I said softly. I heard what happened. Dally is practically bragging about what he did to Anthony. When he saw me look more upset he knew he didn't exactly say the right words.

"Come here" he said opening his arms to me and I went into them. He always did this to make me feel better. "Why does everything always have to be so complicated?" I asked crying into his shoulder. "It's 'cause we're greasers we're always around trouble and complications" he said and I knew he was being honest. "Sometimes you just have to learn to live with it" he said and I breathed deep. "Do you think I should stop seeing Anthony?" I asked and looked into his beautiful eyes.

"That's not my choice… In the end, it's how you feel. And whether Steve, Dally, or anyone else wants to admit it or not, whatever you choose, we will still love and support you" he said looking into my eyes the whole time. I rested my head back onto his shoulder and thought about what he said. I had a big decision to make and it all went down to Friends and Family or the Guy I just met and am starting to really care a lot for…


	8. Its not over

**He loves me… or He loves me Not… The outsiders**

**Disclaimer****: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily, Anthony, and any other Character I add in there. **

**Author's Note****: I really want to thank Monkeypants17; you have reviewed every chapter and definitely helped me write better and want to post more. I also want to thank wAyTaRoCkIt for reviewing. All of you who have reviewed and are reading this, you're awesome so thanks. So Here I am watching the Outsiders the complete novel, to help me get some ideas. Hopefully it works and here's your Update Enjoy Oh also before I forget. The Italic lyrics in this are Its Not over By Daughtry**

I woke up the next morning and took a shower before Soda. I got changed and went into the kitchen. "Hey Ponyboy" I said and he muttered a tired hello. Steve came in through the door and came into the kitchen. "Where's Soda?" he asked me as he grabbed a piece of cake. "Right here" soda said entering the kitchen in a pair of jeans, socks, a white shirt and his DX shirt unbuttoned over it. "You ready?" Darry came into the Kitchen. "One sec" Soda said. "Hurry up or you'll be late" Darry said. "I know I know" soda mumbled.

"I want you to come to the DX today" Steve said to me. "Nothing better to do anyways" I said and shrugged. Darry dropped us off at the DX and I went into the garage area with Steve. "I don't want you hanging out with that boy Anthony anymore" he said. "What?" I asked as I turned my head quickly to Steve. "You heard me" he said. "You can't tell me who I can and can not hang out with" I said sliding off the hood of the car he was working on. "Oh I can't? Well seeing as how I am watching over you I think I have some say in it" Steve said standing in front of him.

"You don't even know him!" I said in protest. "And id rather not, all Socs are Scum. Rich Scum." He said in a harsh tone even though it wasn't toward me… it kind of scared me. "Look, I just don't trust him ok… I don't want him to hurt you" he said letting his hard look fall from his face and spoke with concern in his voice. "I know" I responded. I mainly hung out with Soda 'cause he was just pumping gas and doing the register. I prayed that Dally didn't come by the DX today. But it wasn't answered seeing as how I saw Dallas, Tim, and Curly heading over. "Hey Baby" Dally said and wrapped his arm around me.

"What do you want Dallas?" I asked not in the mood to be aggravated. "Aw come on I can't come see my favorite girl?" he asked and I rolled my eyes. I wanted to be mad at Dallas. I still was but part of me wanted to be held in his arms. I know, I know, you're probably going 'what the hell is she thinking?' But with Dallas, I've just grown around him at times and he is always protective of me. I know he could never love me the way I loved him at times, for that's just how he is. But he still made me feel safe and cared for.

I looked to see Jake, Mike, and another guy heading over here. "What do they want?" Tim said harshly. "You got some nerve coming here" Dally said coldly, the cold hard look in his eye. "We need to talk to lily" Jake said. "Well anything you have to say to her can be said right here" Tim said and Jake eyed him down as if to see if he had anything on him like a blade. "Anthony is in the hospital, he wants to see you" he said calmly and sincere, looking straight into my eyes.

"So? Just 'cause he wants her there doesn't mean she's gonna go" Curly said giving the cold stare to them as well. I stared at him in disbelief. "Well whatever you decide" Jake said to me. "Make sure it's what you want, not what they decide for you" he finished and they walked off. "What was that all about?" Steve asked and they filled him in. "Your not going to see him" Steve said. "Why not?" Soda asked defending me.

"'Cause he's a Soc!" Steve half yelled in anger. "Yeah Soda, what are you thinking, these are the guys we've been fighting for a long time and your gonna let her date one?" Dally asked backing up Steve. "It's not our choice now is it?" Soda retaliated. Dally just stared at him. "I'll have my say in it when it comes to a Soc" Dally said. All of them were arguing now. For the first time I saw Soda and Steve arguing almost about to fight. I saw what I was doing… I was tearing apart my family without meaning to.

"Alright Stop!" I yelled and they all turned to me. "I won't see him ever again, but please… let me just go talk to him just to tell him I'm not going to hang with him anymore and tell him its over … Please" I said softly and Steve sighed. "Fine, 5 minutes and that's it" Steve said. "I'll take her" Dally said and Steve sighed and just shrugged as if to say 'whatever'.

"Lets go" Dally said. "I'll see you guys later" Dally said to the Shepards as I climbed into Buck's car. The ride was mainly slight. I saw Dally keep glancing at me but I stayed looking out the window. I felt Dally's hand go over mine and I slid it away. "Look, I know I've been an ass alright, but it's only to protect you" he said. "Dallas that is the worst excuse I've ever heard out of anyone" I said and went back to looking out the window.

We got to the hospital and I went to the front desk to ask where Anthony's room was. I got to his room and took a deep breath. I knocked lightly on the open door and he looked over. "Hey" he said softly and gave a smile I didn't deserve. I couldn't help but feel it was all my fault. A Tear slid down my cheek. "Sweetheart don't cry" he said with sorrow in his eyes. "I-I only have 5 minutes, Dallas is waiting for me" I said with guilt. "Dallas?" he asked anger burning in his eyes.

"I can't see you anymore" I said and his eyes softened. He just stared at me in disbelief not saying a word.

_I was blown away _

_What could I say? _

_It all seemed to make sense. _

_You're taking away everything_

_And I can't do without_

"I cant, I just… Steve doesn't want me with you my family is fighting; you're getting hurt because of me… I just, I cant" I said and more tears fell. He took my hand in his. "Babe…" "I'm sorry Anthony" I said before he could say anything. I kissed him one last time knowing I probably won't be able to see him again. "I'm sorry" I said softly as my forehead rested on his. I walked off and when I reached the door he called my name.

_My life with you means everything _

_So I won't give up that easily_

I turned to him. "I know why you're doing this. It's because they don't want us together. I told you that you could keep me and I'm keeping that promise. I'm not giving up that easily…" he said and I felt the tears fall.

_This love is killing me _

_But you're the only one _

"Say it all you want, but I know you don't want this to be over… I don't want it to be… it can't be" he continued. "It is Anthony… I'm Sorry" I said and ran out. When I got into a different hall I turned the corner and slid down the wall and cried.

_You can't let this get away _

_Let it out, let it out _

_Don't get caught up in yourself _

_Let it out. _

I don't want it to be. I want to be with Anthony. I'm so confused. I want Anthony, but I can't lose my family…

_It's not over…_


	9. Baby I'm not going anywhere

**He loves me… or He loves me Not… The outsiders**

**Disclaimer****: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily, Anthony, and any other Character I add in there. **

**Author's Note****: Once again thanking Monkeypants17 for reviewing and I don't think you'll be disappointed with the update . I also want to thank Onetreehillfrk and Caitly for reviewing. A Warning of possible minor language**

"Ready?" Dally asked as I walked to the car. "Let's just go" I said as I opened the door and sat in the seat. I looked out the window and let my tears fall. I didn't care if Dallas saw me. When we got to the Curtis's I just went up to apparently now my room. I stayed there for a few hours and realized it was pointless to stay crying. This is exactly what Dally wanted. For me to cry and then want to be in someone's arms and run right back to him. Kiss him; tell him I made a huge mistake and that he's the only one I want.

I went downstairs and went right out the door after yelling I was going out. I continued to walk down the street and I heard a car pull towards me. "Hey Lily" I turned my head to see Tim Shepard. "Hey Tim" I said smiling slightly and walked to the driver side window. "I heard Dallas saying you were having a party at your house why aren't you at your own party?" I asked a laughed a bit. "Getting beer already ran out" he said pointing to the beer in the back seat with his thumb.

"Interested in a little partying?" he asked. "I don't really feel like being around Dallas" I said. "Then don't, hang with me baby" he said and smiled. I sighed and then smiled. "Alright fine" I said and got into the passenger seat. We got to his house and Tim wrapped his arm around me as he brought the beer to the kitchen. "Want one?" he asked over the music. "Yeah sure, I'm going to go sit on the couch" I said and he nodded.

I sat on the couch and unfortunately Dallas saw me. "Hey look who came out of her hiding" Dallas said making himself comfortable beside me and wrapped his arm around me. "Must you be an ass 24/7?" I asked coldly. "It's in my Blood, you should know baby…" he said. He leaned closer to me. "I'm never nice" he whispered in my ear. I shoved him away from me but he didn't move much.

"Come on, why cant it be the way it use to be? You know…"he said and kissed my neck. "Cause those days are gone Dallas, things changed" I said pushing him away again. "Yeah it changed when that Anthony kid came around" he said harshly. "Problem here?" I heard and turned to see Tim. "Nope" Dallas said and stayed how he was. "Mind leaving my girl alone?" Tim said and I smiled. "You're girl?" Dallas said and stood up.

"Got a problem with it? I mean you're with Sylvia right?" Tim said and Dally kept his cool. "Right" he said glancing at me once more and then leaving. "Thanks" I said when Tim sat beside me. "No problem" he said handed me a beer. "You seem upset, something wrong?" Tim asked. "Just Dallas has been bugging me, just kind of stressed that's all" I lied. I was truly upset about Anthony. The look on his face killed me.

"Aw don't worry about him, he won't bother you around me" he said. "Thanks Tim" I said and took a sip of my beer and just leaned back as I sighed. The party was pretty much just me hanging with Tim, talking, and dancing. "I'll be right back" Tim told me and I nodded. I felt someone's hands slide to my hips. I looked and saw Dallas. "Get the fuck away from me Dallas" I spat out bitterly and shoved him, making him slam into some else.

"What the hell is your problem?" Dallas yelled harshly. "You Dallas! You are!" I yelled and went out the door. "Lily" I heard Dallas yell and slammed the door. "Go Away!!" I yelled as I continued to walk letting the cold air just hit my bare arms. Dallas grabbed me and turned me to face him. "What do you want?!" I yelled in his face. "You" he said and pulled me into him. He kissed me the way he did at Buck's.

I kissed him falling into his trance like I have before. Anthony came into my mind and I felt guilty. Dallas broke the kiss and smiled down at me all cocky. "I knew you couldn't resist me" he said. "Anthony makes me feel safer and kisses me ten times better then you ever could" I said and turned. Dallas grabbed my arm roughly when I turned and out of instinct I turned and swung my right fist hard connecting to Dallas's nose. Dallas staggered back and leaned against the fence. Crimson began to stain his white shirt.

Dallas looked at his hand and then looked at me furiously. I began backing up and hit into Tim's car. Dallas was about to hit me when someone tackled him. They began punching him again and again and then stood up. "Come on" the person said and grabbed my hand gently. I pulled it away not knowing who it was. "Sweetheart it's me" he said. "Anthony?" I said softly and gasped.

He kissed me softly as he held me gently in his arms. When he broke the kiss he smiled at me. "Believe me now?" he said and I smiled. I jumped into his arms and he held onto me tightly. "Come on we have to go" he said. He gave Dallas a good kick in the ribs and grabbed my hand. We ran as fast as we could away and we got to his car parked not too far away.

"You know Dallas is going to come looking for you" I said as we drove off. "Well ill be waiting" he said. "How are you out of the Hospital? And how did you know where I was?" I asked. So many questions were in my head. "Doctor told me I was doing much better and I could go home. As far as how I knew, Soda told me" he said and I looked at him. "Soda?" I asked and he nodded. "Told me I needed to see you, saying how torn up you were. He said he figured you'd be here and as he predicted you were." he said and glanced between the road and me.

"I told you we weren't over; it's not over baby… It's not. Not without a fight" he said and kissed my knuckles gently as he raised them to his lips. I smiled and stayed silent looking out the window. "Anthony…" I started. "Yeah Sweetheart?" he asked and continued to glance at me. "I Love You" I said and I saw Anthony smile. "I love you too Baby" he said and it was my turn to smile.

What have I gotten myself into? Trouble. That's what. "Dallas is going to kill me" I groaned. "No he won't" he said and I looked at him with the craziest expressions. "You think "The Dallas Winston", isn't going to hit me after what I did to him" I said. "He won't if I'm there, he won't get the chance" he said. Why do I always bring Drama? Why do I always bring fights? Maybe that is why my parents fought a lot. Maybe that's why they didn't want me anymore… Was I making a bigger mistake by being with Anthony then when I first met him? I guess I was going to find out… And even if I wasn't sure now, I was about to find out that even when you think something is the worst it can be… It becomes even more worse than before.


	10. You Don't Love Anyone

**He loves me… or He loves me Not… The outsiders**

**Disclaimer****: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily, Anthony, and any other Character I add in there. **

**Author's Note: ok so here we are again. Another Day another Chapter. Thanks to everyone Who reviewed and Read it. Also here is some language in this but not much just saw you know. But anyways Heres your update Woo!! ok ill shut up...**

I woke up beside Anthony in his room. I smiled at him and got up a bit stretching and then rubbed my eyes as I yawned. I got changed in the bathroom after a shower and went back in Anthony's room to see him putting a new shirt on. I watched as his muscles moved as he pulled it down over his back. I went behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Sleep well?" I asked and he smiled as he turned to me. "When you're beside me, I sleep best" he said and kissed me softly.

"I have school today" Anthony said and I frowned. "My parents will kill me if I skip again, I skipped yesterday" he said and I laughed a bit as he had the cute innocent smile on. I forgot that Monday was school; it has been awhile since I've been in school. I didn't really want to either. "Well I have to face the music sometime, I should head home" I said. He cupped my face gently. "Be Careful alright?" he said and I nodded putting my hands on his wrists.

"Always" I said and he smiled at me and kissed me again. The walk home gave me some time to think. Anthony offered to give me a ride, but I thought it best if he didn't. Besides I needed to clear my mind. I took a deep breath as I opened the door and had it shut quietly. To my disadvantage Dally was in the kitchen "Shit" I said softly and started going upstairs.

"Lily I know it's you" Dally said and I bit my bottom lip. I went back down the 3 steps I went up and Dallas sat right back on the couch as he lit a cigarette. I laughed at his face he had a bruise on the spot where my knuckles punched him. "Ha Ha Laugh it up smartass, your boy toy is gonna get it" he said harsh and eyed me coldly.

"You think your so tuff" I said eyeing him down coldly. He stood up and of course when he stood close to me I had to look up at him. "Baby, I don't have to think 'cause I know I don't have police record a mile long for no reason" he said smirking proudly. I knew he was right. "I don't see why you think you're so safe, Just 'cause I like you don't mean I'm going to give you exceptions to getting the shit beaten out of you" he said and his gaze scared me.

"So what are you going to do Dally? Hit Me? Then Hit me!" I half yelled. Dally's upper lip curled into a smirk. "Let's go to the Dingo" he said and grabbed his leather jacket. "What?" I asked not believing what I just heard. "Come on, let's go" he said and I sighed and followed him. "So how's Sylvia?" I asked. "I don't know why don't you go ask her" he said as he lit a cigarette. I looked at his hand and saw his Class ring back on his finger.

"Oh…" I said. "Yeah, we're done" he said blowing the cigarette smoke. The walk to the Dingo was pretty much quiet. I didn't feel like talking. I didn't even know what I was doing. Why was I with Dallas after all he's done? Because he is part of the Gang and as much as he gets on my nerves or embarrasses me… I still care about him. We sat at a table and got 2 cokes to just drink and talk. After catching up on some things I might have missed when I wasn't around and just talking we grew silent. Well until Dallas just had to voice his thoughts… "I don't know what you see in him" Dally said.

"Because Dallas, he's good to me, he's nice, polite, and he actually makes me feel loved." I explained. "What and the Gang doesn't make you feel loved?" He said coldly. "Did I say that?!" I said standing up and people started to look over. "You didn't have to" he said standing up as well. I sighed angrily and went out the door. "Lily stop running away" Dally said following me. "Stop telling me what to do!" I said turning my head and yelling at him as I kept walking.

I heard him mumble in frustration as he caught up to me. "Would you stop!" he growled under his breath as he grabbed my arm. "What? What could you possibly want Dallas?" I said in a low voice. I couldn't stand the way he is making me feel. I felt tears but I held them in. "What's wrong with you?" He said his eyes filled with hatred. "He's changed you and not for the better. You were Tuff before, not letting anything get to you and now look" he said. "And what?! If I stayed with you, i'd be all tuff?!" I exclaimed. Dallas just shrugged. "Probably" he answered simply.

"No I wouldn't Dallas. I care for you so much but I never feel the same coming from you. Dallas you don't love anyone! You can't, it's like you block out everyone who tries to come into your life and love you. The only person you care and have some type of love for is Johnny and I'm fine with that. But I can't keep running back to you, when we can't even have a future…" I said and some tears fell. It hurt me to say those things to him.

What was worse is he just blocked out his emotions except for that cold look and hatred. "Fine Lily, you want that rich boy, then go. Go to the Curtis's grab your stuff and go live on the other side of the tracks" he said harsh. "You can grow up to be a bitch, have rich snobby kids, and look down on all of us greasers. And when one of the gang's kids gets jumped by your own children, you'll remember… you'll remember how it was on _our_ side of the tracks."

When Dallas finished I felt terrible. "Dally..." I started. "JUST GO!" he yelled right in my face. I looked away and shut my eyes. I was just someone to be yelled at it seemed. I ran from Dally and went to the park. I sat by the fountain and leaned my back against it. "Lily…" I heard a soft voice say. I looked up to see Johnny. "Hey Johnnycakes" I said sniffling. "I'm sorry about Dallas" he said and sat beside me. "You saw?" I asked and sniffled more. "Yeah, I was on my way to find Dallas and I saw and heard you two" he said and we sat in silence. "He's not right you know" he said and I looked at him.

"Huh?" I asked. "About if you moved over there. I know even if you do, you won't become that" he said and I smiled softly. "Thanks Johnny" I said leaning my head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "So how is everyone?" I asked. "They all miss you, I miss you too. I was looking for you too" he said. "I was just afraid everyone would hate me for being with Anthony… and Steve oh god what's he gonna say?" I said and put my face in my hands.

"Lily, I may not be a big fan of Socs, but he must be one special guy if you like him since you use to despise all Socs" Johnny said and made me laugh. Johnny always knows how to make me laugh. He smiled a bit as he watched me laugh. "Yeah it's crazy huh?" I said and he nodded. "Sure is" he said and moved his arm from me to light a cigarette, then put it back where it was before.

"So you love him?" Johnny asked out of the blue. "Yeah… I think I do" I said and Johnny smiled. "One lucky guy" he said and I smiled. If anyone knows how to make me smile and cheer up, it's Johnnycakes. Without him id be lost.


	11. We have a big mess on our hands

**He loves me… or He loves me Not… The outsiders**

**Disclaimer****: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily, Anthony, and any other Character I add in there. **

**Author's Note****: Thanks For the Reviews, You all Rock! I'm really sorry for holding you all up; you probably all want to slaughter me or something. So I'm really sorry!! Probably every chapter is going to have mild if not a lot of swearing Just a pre warning. The Lyrics in this chapter are "We have a big mess on our hands" By the Academy is… Enjoy! **

I walked home with Johnny. I needed some time to think things over. I mean everything. I went to the Curtis's house and hoped that Dallas would be at Buck's which to my luck he wasn't at the Curtis's. Johnny and I sat in Soda's room just talking. "I don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes I wish that I never met Anthony that one day… it would have made things less complicated!" I said and hugged my knees. "Aw come on don't think like that, everything happens for a reason" Johnny said and touched my shoulder.

"Thanks Johnny" I said. I heard the door slam open and shut and some talking downstairs. Johnny and I looked at each other. Without needing to speak we went downstairs quickly and saw Ponyboy, Two-bit, and Soda standing in front of the couch. I looked at the couch and both Steve and Dally were on the couch. Steve's nose was bleeding and Dally was bleeding from the mouth. "What Happened?!" I asked as I went to Steve first and then checked Dally. "Fight" Dally said proudly.

_I've got that lefty curse  
where everything I do is flipped  
and awkwardly reversed  
you're seldom known and barely missed _

"With who…" I asked hesitantly and sat between them on the couch. "Some Socs picking a fight" Steve answered touching his nose. "Yeah Anthony and some of his friends who they think they are the shit. We took care of them though, don't worry about it baby" Dally continued and smirked at me as he put his arm around my shoulder. "What the Hell is your problem!" I said and shoved his arm away from me as I stood. "You need to start deciding who your with" Dallas said standing, towering over me. "That's not fair" I said looking up at him. "Your Family or that good for nothing rich scum you call a boyfriend." "That's not fair Dallas and you know it!" I said and glared at him.

"I don't care what's fair or not! What happened to you? Every since you started hanging with that Soc you turned Soft, and now your picking some guy you've know for what a couple weeks over your own family!" Dallas said and I took all of it in. I smiled a bit. "You're Jealous…" I said keeping my smile. "What are you talking about?" he said glaring down at me. "You lost your chance a long time ago" I said and stood close to him and continued to smile in my all knowing way. "And here comes a guy who actually treats me right and cares so much for me that he will stand up for me…" I continued. "You can't handle it" I said softly and kept my smirk.

Dallas gave me that dangerous look. Almost as if he would snap at any second. Steve stood up and pulled me back. "Stop" he whispered in my ear and put an arm over my shoulder in a protective way. "That's what you think huh" Dallas said. I just swallowed not saying anything… I always did get in trouble for my mouth.

_I always put myself  
In destructive situations  
I need oxygen  
To be exposed where no one goes, where no one's been  
When it all comes crashing…_

"Lets take a walk shall we" he said taking me out of Steve's grasp and dragging me along by my upper arm. "Dallas come on man" Johnny said. "Stay out of this Johnny" Dallas said. "Steve come on" Dally added as he continued to pull me out of the door. I followed Steve and Dallas, not entirely sure where we were going. Where ever we were going it was starting to get dark. When we got there, it was now dark; of course we had gone to a few other stops before that though. I realized it was definitely all Socs. "A Beer-Blast…" I said as we watched from a spot we wouldn't be seen. "Why are we here" I asked softly. "To see how loyal your boy toy really is" Dallas said. Steve laughed silently.

"And there he is" Steve said pointing him out. His eyes had become bruised and his lip looked a little swollen. I looked at his hand and saw he had a beer can. "He's drunk…" I said softly. I saw him walk over to some girl and started talking with her, putting his arm around her waist and her giggling. She was pretty, better looking than I ever was. My eyes started to water as I saw him whisper in her ear. When I thought I had enough… It got worse. He kissed her.

_Don't give in, don't give up,  
I'll be gone.  
You don't look innocent enough.  
We're too young to be critics  
We won't miss anything at all  
Don't give in, don't give up  
I don't look innocent with this big big mess on,  
I'll say something else._

"Are you happy? Your right once again Dallas" I said holding my tears back and ran off. I continued to run hearing there footsteps behind me. Dallas finally got what he wanted; But I wasn't going to let him win that easily. I looked back and I didn't see them. I slammed into someone and staggered back a bit. I looked in front of me and saw Tim Shepard. "Whoa, Lily are you ok?" he asked he held onto my forearms to keep me from falling. From the corner of my eye I saw Dallas and Steve coming. "Yeah… I'm fine" I said and smiled.

Then… That's when I made my life even more complicated. "Look I really wanted to thank you for keeping Dallas off my back at your party" I said and moved closer to Tim. He raised an eyebrow but didn't protest. I pulled him closer by the collar of his leather jacket and kissed him. I watched at the corner of my eye as Tim kissed me back. Dallas and Steve both stopped, just watching in surprise as Tim and I kissed under the Streetlight. Mission accomplished.

_I don't look innocent enough  
We're too young to be cynics  
We won't wish any harm at all  
Don't give in, don't give up  
No one looks innocent with this big big mess on our hands tonight.  
_


	12. All The World is waiting for the Sun

**He loves me… or He loves me Not… The outsiders**

**Disclaimer****: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily, Anthony, and any other Character I add in there. **

**Author's Note****: Thanks to my faithful reader Monkeypants17 who makes me laugh every time with the reviews. Absolutely love your reviews. Also to all my other Faithful readers who are patient enough with me. Thanks and I love you all! Lyrics are "Rain" By Breaking Benjamin Perfect song for a sad part tear Also that would be the song to listen to if you like listening to music while reading**

**Chapter 12**

As I stretched in my bed the next morning I smiled. I got up and went down the stairs. I saw Steve in the kitchen eating chocolate cake. "Lily we need to talk" Steve said in a stern tone. "Why I did exactly what you wanted, I'm not with Anthony. I'll tell him today ok" I said and had myself a glass of chocolate milk. Soda like always was rushing around the house looking for his shoes, or shirt, or something he had missing. He stopped at me and took a big gulp of my milk. I pushed him playfully as I got my milk back and smiled. The door opened and slammed shut. "Here comes Dallas" I said with my back to the doorway and putting my glass in the sink.

"Tim Lily?! Tim?!" he sounded angry. I turned and faced him. "Oh you saw that?" I asked sarcastic. "Whoops" I said covering my mouth. Before Dallas could speak I spoke. "Oh and speaking of Tim, I have something to take care of" I said shoving passed the boys to go upstairs to change. When I was done, I was out the door off to find Anthony. I sighed as I got to his door. I knocked slightly hesitant. After a few minutes Anthony opened and smiled. "Hey Sweetheart" he said as he kept his smile. "Oh don't you "Sweetheart" Me!" I said harsh and pushed him. "Whoa what's going on?!" he asked as his smile faded.

"Why don't you tell me what's going on! So How was the beer blast last night?" I said keeping my tone. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he looked at the ground, whispering things to himself. Then his eyes widened. "I…What… All I remember was drinking a lot of beer. My friend was telling me to loosen up because I wanted to bail to come see you and then…" He looked at me. I licked my dry lips. "That girl…" he said barely audible. "Sweetheart, you have to believe me…" he said starting to reach towards me but I backed up. "Believe what? You're lies? Say you didn't mean to hurt me and it'll never happen again and that everything will be ok?! And we can go back to how we were and act and pretend that nothing ever happened. Well things did happen Anthony! Look what's happening to us! You kissed someone and so did I" I said starting to lose control of my emotions. The look of guilt and sadness took over his words for he was speechless. "So what happens now?" he asked after a little bit his voice saddened. "Maybe… Maybe we should take a break" I said softly. Anthony sighed hoping not to have to resort to this. "For how long?" he asked. "I don't know. We both went with someone else that night… Maybe we need to see other people until we really know what we want…" I said my voice filled with hurt. "If I agree to this… Can I have one favor?" he asked and I nodded holding in my tears. He touched my cheek gingerly and tilted his head down from the height distance.

He went close to my ear and whispered softly. "I know you don't want to hear this… But I really never meant to hurt you. I never thought I deserved you, I still don't think so. Will you do me the favor; promise me, you'll find someone who deserves you, someone far better than me that will treat you far better than I ever could. Please promise me" "I...I Promise" I said. "I can promise you right now… No man could ever love you more than I do now and forever and no other girl can or will change that…. I Love you Lily." That's when I let the tear fall and I closed my eyes. I felt him gently wipe it away as I kept my eyes closed and felt his warm lips touched mine gently.

"Bye Lily" he said and I opened my eyes. He went in his house after one last long look between us and shut the door. I let the other tear fall. "I Love you too Anthony… More than you know" I said and turned to leave his yard, following the path to the sidewalk. It began to rain and turned into a downpour. I pulled my hood over my head and stared at my feet as I walked.

_Take a photograph,  
It'll be the last,  
Not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here,  
I don't have a past  
I just have a chance,  
Not a family or honest plea remains to say,  
Rain rain go away,  
Come again another day,  
All the world is waiting for the sun_

I continued to walk, crossed the tracks, and headed to the Dingo. Maybe this break was a bad idea. Too late to turn back now. I sighed heavily and looked in front of me to see the Dingo. I saw Tim and Dally at a table and tried to avoid them seeing me. "Lily over here" I heard Tim say and I sucked in air. I sighed and turned to face them, heading over and sitting beside Tim. Tim put his arm around my waist and pulled me close. "Dallas and I were just talking about you" he said and I smiled. But then it faded when I looked away.

Why was I like this? Was Dallas right in saying he turned me soft? Oh maybe he did! But I didn't care. I loved him and he loved me and right now I'd do anything to be in his arms. Dallas was giving me glares and it was starting to piss me off. Just as a little revenge of all the times he flaunted Sylvia in front of me when he knew I liked him… I came up with a plan. I moved closer to Tim and started tracing the scar on his face. "Did I mention how much I love scars?" I said softly into his ear and smiled. I looked at time again and he smiled at me. I kissed him and watched as anger boiled into Dallas's face. I closed my eyes and all I could picture was Anthony.

_Is it you I want,  
Or just the notion of  
A heart to wrap around so I can find my way around  
Safe to say from here,  
You're getting closer now,  
We are never sad cause we are not allowed to be_

Tim was sweet and a great kisser… but he was no Anthony. That's when I knew. I couldn't… I pushed him away from me and broke the kiss. "Tim… I'm Sorry, I can't, and this won't work out. I was just so mad at Dallas and Steve and I... I'm truly sorry Tim" before he could answer I moved from his arm and got out of the booth, quickly running out the door. I pulled my hood over because it was still raining. I continued to run, I couldn't stop, I knew what I had to do.

_Rain rain, go away  
Come again another day,  
All the world is waiting for the sun_

I ran over the train tracks and continued to run. Finally I reached the walkway to Anthony's front door. I walked fast to the door and knocked. My clothes were sticking to me and my hair was soaked from my hood falling down. I breathed in the cold air. I turned to the door and it was dark inside all except for one window, Anthony's room. I knocked louder and waited praying he would answer. "Coming coming" I heard a voice say groggily. The door opened and I saw Anthony's tired eyes look at me with surprise. "Lily?" he questioned and rubbed his eyes. "Anthony I need to say something before its too late" I said. "Come inside..." "No, I can't delay anything anymore, I just can't" I interrupted. "Ok, ok, what is it?" he said calmly and with care and he placed a hand on my cheek, giving me a look of worry.

I pulled him to me, pulling him into the rain as I wrapped an arm around his neck. I kissed him deeply and felt him put one hand on my hip as he kept the other on my face. I looked up at him as we both broke the kiss. "I need you. You're the only one I want. You treat me better than anyone ever has. And you're right. You're the only man who could ever love me as much as you do. And I don't care what people think. That's the thing about it! Neither of us do! Because we wouldn't be here like this if we cared. You do deserve me and I don't care if you think other wise. I can't be away from you for another second for I fear my heart would fail. I have loved none before you and I will love none after you. You have stolen my heart. I Love you Anthony. I Love you" I said starting to laugh a bit.

_To lie here under you,  
is all that I could ever do,  
To lie here under you is all,  
To lie here under you is all that I could ever do,  
To lie here under you is all_

Anthony stared at me speechless. "Well… Say something… Please?" I said starting to get nervous that I just poured my heart out and he wasn't saying anything. Just giving me this shocked expression. He pulled me back into him and kissed me passionately. I laughed in the kiss as I kissed him back. The rain began to stop as we kissed. A bright light shown through the gray sky and we both looked into the sun coming from the clouds as we held each other. I smiled up at him as he smiled down at me. "But what about the promise?" he asked. "I found him…" I whispered softly. "He's right in front me… He always has been" I said and smiled again. He kissed me again after he smiled as the sun shined through the clouds glowing rays of light down at us.

_Rain rain go away,  
Come again another day,  
All the world is waiting for the sun,  
All the world is waiting for the sun,  
All the world is waiting for the sun._


	13. Would you Run Away with me?

**He loves me… or He loves me Not… The outsiders**

**Disclaimer****: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily, Anthony, and any other Character I add in there. **

**Author's Note****: I want to thank everyone who sent reviews and also read the story. This isn't exactly going to be one of the happiest chapters, I know I've said that before but just trust me with this one. **

**Enjoy.**

**Chapter 13:**

I sat cuddled up to Anthony on the couch as he flipped through the channels with his arm around me. "You Hungry?" Anthony asked as he gave up on the TV. "Yeah" I said and smiled. I moved so that he could get up and I curled into the blanket. "Where are your parents?" I asked flipping through the channels. "Some business trip" Anthony said and he sounded a little disappointed. I got up and went into the kitchen. "Do they go often?" I asked as I leaned my back against the counter and looked at him. "Yeah, rarely are they around. We spend time together when they are home so it's nice at least" Anthony said as he continued to make the sandwiches. "Wish my parents felt that way" I said and sighed. Anthony stopped and looked at me. "Don't you spend time with your folks?" He asked and I shook my head no.

"I moved here from Kansas to live with my cousin Steve. He is the only one who truly cares from me out of our family. My parents decided I was too much of a burden and sent me here to stay with Steve. I haven't been the nicest cousin to him recently though… I don't mean to its just he is starting to act like my father, not my best friend and cousin" I said crossing my arms and looking down on the ground. Anthony gently touched my touched my shoulder and kissed my forehead. "I Love you" he said softly and I smiled. "I Love you too" I said and he pecked my lips softly.

"Anthony I have to tell Steve, I should leave soon" I said and he sighed. "What?" I asked when he moved away from me. "You know they are never going to agree with us. Why should we bother?" he said turning to me again. "Because he is my family and he needs to know why I want to be with you" I said. Anthony took my hands into his own. "Runaway with me" Anthony said. "What?" I asked surprised. "Come away with me, Lets get out of here" Anthony said. "Where would we go? What about food and money?" I questioned. "Anywhere, anywhere but here. I have money and a car. We can buy food and then just go somewhere. We wouldn't have to ever worry about people judging us again. Just be together" Anthony said.

I stayed silent and looked at the ground. I didn't know what to do. I could go and leave with Anthony but what about Steve? What about the Gang? I couldn't abandon the only family I had left! But what about Anthony? Anthony has been there for me too. Even though no one understood that he isn't like other Socs, I do. I knew the real him. "Lily?" I looked up and saw Anthony looking at me. "Would you come with me?" He asked. "I…" I sighed and then decided. "I need to get my clothes" I said and Anthony nodded with a smiled coming to his face.

We left Anthony's house and he pulled up to the Curtis's house. To my luck no one was there. I went inside quick and packed a bag with everything I would need. I looked around the house with a final glance wondering if I was making the right choice. With a final sigh I left the house letting the door slam behind me. I rejoined Anthony in his car after I put my stuff in the backseat. "We should get some food" Anthony said and I nodded. "There's a store not far from here where we can go get food" I said and Anthony.

When we parked in front of the store I ran in real quick so that we could get what we need and leave. I played with my fingers impatiently as the cashier took his time punching in the keys and bagging the items. I paid for it and went out the door. I opened the backseat and my bag fell out. I sighed in frustration and put the food in the backseat and put my bag back in its place. I looked around and then got in the front seat. I watched the town go by as a feeling in my stomach knowing that this isn't right.

[Short Dallas's Point of View

I leaned on a brick wall beside Johnny. "I see you got your ring back" Johnny said and I laughed a bit. "I'm done with that little broad" I answered "You got a cancer-stick Johnny?" I asked. "Yeah" Johnny said after he roamed his pocket and pulled out a cigarette. I put it in my mouth and used my Christopher to light up the match. I inhaled the cigarette and leaned my head back. "You think she really loves him?" Johnny asked. "Who Lily?" I asked and Johnny nodded. "Yeah, she said she does but… would it be enough to leave us?" Johnny asked and looked at me. I opened my mouth to speak but then hear Tim. "Dallas" I heard him say and I turned my head to see Tim and Curly. "We have a problem" Tim said and I saw a hard look in his eye.

I turned to completely face him. "And what's that?" I asked. "Curly here saw Lily in the story buying food. Anthony was waiting in the car outside for her and then she left with him." Tim said. "And the problem is…" I asked not interested and took another drag of my cigarette as I looked away from them. "Lily is leaving with him" Curly said. I looked at him and he continued to look at me. "Her bag fell out from the backseat and trust me, this is no mini trip to the store. She's running away with him." Curly said and I felt the anger boiling in me. "Guess the answer to your question is Yes Johnny, She obviously doesn't care about us" I spat out bitterly as I crunched the cigarette under my boot.

[Back to Lily's

We had been driving for about an hour if not more. I bit my nail nervously as I stared out the window. "Lily are you ok?" Anthony asked. I wanted to say yes, but I knew that I wasn't. I wanted to go home. I wanted to stay with the only family I've ever had. "No Anthony I'm not. Look I love you, I do, but I can't leave the only family I've ever had" I said and Anthony sighed. "You want to go home?" Anthony asked and I looked down at my feet. All I could do was nod because I felt bad. Anthony turned around and we began to head back.

An hour had passed and we were about 10 to 20 minutes from the Curtis's. "I'm really sorry Anthony." I said and continued to stare at my feet. "Its ok really, I shouldn't have pulled you from your family. I don't know what I was thinking." He said and sighed. "Its not that I didn't want to go with you because I did. It's just, they are my family and they have always been there for me." I said and Anthony nodded. I took his hand in mine and he smiled at me as he took glances between the road and me. "Just drop me off at the Lot, I can walk from there" I said and he nodded. We pulled up to the Lot and I unbuckled my seatbelt. "Are you sure you want me to drop you off here?" Anthony asked and I nodded.

Anthony and I kissed softly and I heard the passenger car door open. "Steve?" I questioned and he pulled me out of the car."What are you…?" I stopped when I saw Dallas heading over to Anthony's door. "Stay there!" Steve ordered me. I watched as Dallas pulled Anthony out of the car and threw him on the hood of the car. "Don't! Please stop please!" I practically begged. "Trying to take her from us now?!" I heard Steve yell angrily and punched Anthony hard to the mouth. Anthony spit out the blood as he held his jaw. I heard Steve and Dallas cussing him out as they each took turns slugging at him. I stood with Johnny, Ponyboy, and Two-bit watching with wide eyes as Dallas and Steve continued to beat him up. I saw Dallas reach for his back pocket and I knew what he was doing. "No!" I yelled and tried to run to him but Two-bit grabbed me.

"Don't Dallas please!" I begged. Dallas just ignored me. I watched as Dallas flicked out the blade and pulled Anthony off the ground. Just before Dallas stabbed Anthony I dug my face into two-bit's shoulder. Two-bit held my shaking body as I cried. I gripped onto his Mickey Mouse shirt and kept my eyes closed tightly. I turned to see Dallas staring down at Anthony's body and Steve with a look of surprise on his face as he looked at Dallas. I don't think Steve meant it to go so far. Two-bit slowly let me go as I slowly pulled away. I walked to Anthony's limp body. I fell to my knees at his body and felt the tears fall down my face.

"How could you…" I looked up at Dallas. "How could you?!" I shouted as I stood up and shoved Dallas. Although he didn't move back much I still continued to shove him. I felt someone gently take my arms and I realized it to be Steve. He pulled me into him and I punched at his chest. When he wouldn't let me go I collapsed into his arms. I felt Steve pick me up in his arms and I let myself go to sleep from exhaustion. When I woke up I was in Soda's old room. I sighed after I sat up and felt tears come to my eyes. I wiped them away and got up. I walked out the room and headed towards the kitchen. "I didn't mean for it to go so far Dallas" I heard Steve say. "Well it's done, and you cant say that you didn't want him dead. That's just one less Soc we have to worry about" Dallas said and I heard him grab his jacket.

He came out the kitchen, pulling on his Jacket as he walked through the living room and out the door. I walked into the Living room and I saw Steve eating chocolate cake. "Lily" Steve said but I didn't say a word. I sat down on the living room and watched TV. Soda was doing is usual running around the house looking for all of his work clothes and shoes. Steve put down the cake and sat beside me on the couch. "Lily?" Steve said softly but I didn't look at him. He put his hand under my chin and gently pulled my face to face him. I closed my eyes tightly to stop the tears from falling. He pulled me into his arms and gently stroked my hair as I cried.


	14. Trouble continues to Follow

**He loves me… or He loves me Not… The outsiders**

**Disclaimer****: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily, Anthony, and any other Character I add in there. **

**Author's Note: So Here is the next chapter of the story. I wanted to thank Monkeypants17, my loyal reader, DUde! wheres my car?!?!(anon.) and for reviewing. Also thanks to everyone who has been reading this story and has reviewed in the past. Warning: Mild Language. Here we go. **

**Chapter 14: **

Steve tried to get me out of the house but I just didn't want to do anything. I stayed in the house watching TV and thought about Anthony. Call me pathetic, but most can relate to the feeling of just shutting down when you lose someone. His death was in all of the newspapers. I saw his parents on there too; they were miserable. What parent wouldn't be? "Come on. You haven't been out in at least two days. You need to get out." Steve said and I sighed giving in. I took a quick shower and changed as I went with Steve and Soda to the Dingo. I mainly just listened to Soda and Steve talk the whole way there.

When we reached The Dingo, whispers and glances were turned towards at me along with smirks. "I heard Dallas killed that scum" I heard. "Good for him, although I wouldn't mess with Lily or Dallas might have your guts too" another would reply. I sat in a booth next to Steve by the window and across from Soda. I zoned out as I looked out the window at everyone outside reacquainting and finding out what's going on. Most likely talking about what happened to Anthony. "Lily?" I turned my head and Steve and Soda were looking at me. "Oh sorry" I said. "The usual?" Steve asked and I nodded.

I heard the door ding open and I looked over to see Jake and Mike. They looked around and then spotted me. Steve stood up as he saw them heading over. "I'll handle this ok?" I said as I grabbed Steve's arm and stood up. He nodded and I met half way with Jake and Mike. "I'm sorry about Anthony guys" I said and looked to the ground. "Yeah us too" Mike said softly and sadness in his voice. "I feel like this is all my fault, if I just left… He'd be alive" I said and a tear slid down my cheek. "It's not your fault" Jake said as he lifted my face up gently. "We came to tell you that Anthony's Funeral is in 3 days. We can pick you up if you want to go" Mike said and Jake nodded. "Yeah, umm just pick me up at the Curtis's unless it's easier to meet with me somewhere else." I said. "Nah that's fine. We'll pick you up at the Curtis's" Mike said and I nodded.

I went to sit back down until I saw Dallas, Tim, Curly, and a couple other Greasers blocking the way outside for Jake and Mike to leave. Anger boiled in me as I saw Dallas. I walked out the doors and in front of Jake and Mike. "Problem Dallas?" I asked and crossed my arms in front of me. "Yeah actually, these Socs need to stay on there own turf and off of ours." Dallas said and pushed me into Tim. Tim held onto me as Dallas's fist connected with Jake's jaw. Soda and Steve were standing by the door along with the other greasers who were inside The Dingo. I shoved Tim away from me which shocked him as his back hit the car behind him. Before I knew it my fist connected with Dallas's lip.

Everyone went silent as they awaited what would happen. Dallas spit out the blood before turning to look at me. The cold hard look in his eyes sent a shiver down by spine, but I wouldn't back down. "Get out of here, this is between me and Dallas" I said to Jake and Mike and they left after giving me unsure looks. "You're going to regret that" Dallas said spitting more blood and touched his lip. "They do it Dallas! I'm so fucking sick of you saying that you are going to hit me and beat the shit out of me when you don't!" I yelled and everyone looked at me in surprise.

"Then hit me Dallas! Hit…" before I could finish Dallas back handed me. I used the car as support as I touched the place where Dallas had slapped. I looked at him and saw his cold look still on casted down at me. A smirk appeared on his face and along with some other greasers. No one was surprised that Dallas hit me. He was known to hit anyone whether you were male, female, Adult or Child. None of that matter. "Stupid Broad" Dallas said and smirked. As he turned away to walk away, I grabbed his jacket. He turned and I slammed my fist into his ribs. He went a few steps back and growled under his breath. He grabbed me by my hair and slammed me into the car and everyone moved out of the way.

Dallas moved close to my ear and I could hear him breathing in my ear. "Don't you dare for one second think I won't make you bleed. You've changed and you need to learn what your place is and remember what you are" Dallas spat harshly. With a flick of the blade I slashed Dallas hand from my hair. "Little Bitch!" Dallas yelled as he held his hand. "I'm a Greaser!" I yelled. Dallas's cold eyes locked onto my eyes and he began to walk towards me. "Enough!" Steve said as he got in between Dallas and I. "Whose going to stop me, you?" Dallas said looking at Steve. "She's my cousin and I'm not going to let you hurt her. We're supposed to be a gang and a family. All you two are doing is making this become a pack of rabid dogs!" I looked down at the ground knowing that Dallas was right. I knew I would have to make peace, but I would never forget what he did and if I could… try to forgive him.

"Let's go" Steve said and put his arm around my shoulder. "Thanks Steve" I said softly. "For what?" He asked. "Protecting me" I said and gave a small smile. He smiled at me and I went back to the Curtis's with Soda and Steve. "I'm just going to go take a nap." I said and went to Soda's old room. I laid down on the bed and looked up at the ceiling thinking things through. A soft knock came from the door and I sat up. "I just wanted to make sure you were ok" Soda said and I smiled softly. "Yeah" I said and moved over so he could sit beside me when he shut the door. "I've been meaning to thank you Soda" I said. "You have nothing to thank me for" Soda said. "Yes I do, you supported me no matter what. Even though I'm…I was with a Soc, you still cared. You didn't try to break us apart. So Thank you" I said and smiled.

"You're like my family. I love you no matter what. I'll always support you" Soda said and gave the grin that wanted to make you smile no matter what mood you were in. I smiled back at him and hugged him. "Get some sleep" Soda said and kissed my forehead. I watched Soda leave and got under the covers and left myself to think.


	15. What Kind of Person Am I?

**He loves me… or He loves me Not… The outsiders**

**Disclaimer****: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily, Anthony, and any other Character I add in there. **

**Author's Note****: Has anyone read "That was Then, This is Now" by S.E. Hinton. If you haven't you should. It's about different characters but Ponyboy and the Shepards are in it. Awesome Book. Anyway sorry it took awhile I tried to make this as good as possible. Sorry if it's suckish. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed.**

**Warning: A lot of language in this. Has some Drama so it called for a little Greaser language.**

**Chapter 14:**

I opened my eyes slowly after a few hours of sleeping. The house was soundless and probably everyone was out somewhere. I got up and walked into the bathroom to take a look at my face. A bruise was already visible on my cheek. I touched it and winced a bit as it ached. I walked into the living room to go to the kitchen only to see Ponyboy with his nose in a book. I always wondered why Pony and I never really hung out much. I was only a year or two older. "Hey Pony" I said and he looked up. "Hey, are you ok?" He asked. "Yeah. I'm ok" I replied.

The silence was kind of awkward. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed some chocolate milk out of the fridge and poured it into a glass. I heard the door open and slam shut as I started to chug my milk. "Hey Johnny Cade" I heard pony say and I was relieved to know it wasn't Dally. "Hey Pony" I heard him say and I went back into the living room. I saw Johnny's face was a little messed up. I figured he was probably hit this morning or the night before. I hated Johnny's parents for what they did to him. "Hey Lily are you ok?" He asked. I was really hoping everyone would stop asking if I was ok. "Yeah. I think I'm going to go take a walk. You two want to come?" I asked. "Yeah sure." Johnnycakes answered. "Nah, you two go ahead. I have homework" Ponyboy answered and we nodded.

"You got a cigarette Johnnycakes?" I asked as we walked through town. "Yeah hold on" Johnny said and pulled a cigarette out of his pocket. "Thanks" I said as I lit it up. "You haven't seen Dally around have you?" I asked and Johnny just shook his head no. "Good" I simply said as I leaned against a building. Johnny kept his hands in his jean jacket pockets as he kicked the dirt. "Lily…" Johnny said softly and I looked at him. "I don't mean to side with Dally… but was Anthony really enough to leave us?" Johnny had a guilty look on his face like he wished he never asked but truly wanted to know. He looked as if I'd backhand him for asking me that question. Looking into his puppy dog eyes I knew I could never leave him like I was going to.

"No. I knew it wasn't right which is why I came back. You're all my family. I shouldn't have ever tried to leave in the first place" I responded and Johnny just nodded. "You know Dally won't ever apologize. He sure aint sorry." Johnny told me. "I know. It's all just part of his reputation. He sure as hell don't care about me" I said and Johnny just stayed quiet. He was thinking the same thing I was. I knew Dally cared a little. He just had a funny way a showing it. But Dallas is Dallas and he will never love and care for me the way I still strangely do about him.

I know you are probably once again thinking "How could you be so stupid?! The guy killed the man you loved and you still have feelings for him?!" Its just hard to explain. No matter what i do, where i go in life, or who I'm with... I will always have feelings for Dallas Winston. Whether I would actually go back to him... I don't think I ever could. The side everyone sees is the cold hearted basturd who doesn't give a damn about anyone. I'm not going to rant on about how sweet, kind, and generous Dallas is because everyone knows that is bullshit.

"Lily" Johnny said and i looked at him. "Yeah Johnnycakes?" I asked. "You're good looking and could get any guy you wanted. Shoot you are one of the only greaser girls who aren't dirty. Why do you waste so much time on Dallas?" He asked me. That coming from Johnny truly meant something to me. Johnny worshipped Dally like a god. Never would he badmouth Dallas. "You know Johnny..." I said and took a drag of the cigarette as i gazed out into the town. "I ask myself the same question all the time." I said and crushed the cigarette under my foot into the dirt.

"Come on Johnny" I said and we continued walking around and found ourselves at the lot. "What do you say we go see a movie at the drive-in. You, me and pony." Johnny said and i shoved my hands in my pocket. "Oh, I don't know johnny." I responded as i looked down at the ground as we sat down. "Worryin' about seeing Dallas?" Johnny stated more than asked. He knew it was the reason and there was no point in lying. I just nodded and put my face into my hands. "You can't avoid him forever." Johnny stated. "I know but what else can I do?! I can't face him Johnny I can't!" I half shouted as I stood.

I felt tears brim my eyes but I pushed them away quickly. "I'm sorry Lily I shouldn't of brought it up." Johnny said with a look of guilt on his face. "It's not your fault." I reassured and he just stayed silent. "Johnny I'm going to go walk around a bit. I need to clear my mind." I said and Johnny nodded as if he understood. There was a place I needed to be... It was very important. I reached the cemetery and walked as all the people sat in their chairs by the grave. I saw Mike, Jake, and a couple of the other friends along with Anthony's parents. So now there was the proof. The proof was watching them lower Anthony's coffin into the grave.

I knew what Dallas would say at this moment. "Just another Soc down. It doesn't matter anyway, the less of them the better." I could just picture him grinning and walking away like it was no big deal. I hated Dallas at the moment. At this moment I wished it was Dallas in that grave instead of Anthony. I walked passed all the people as they left and saw the looks they gave me from the corner of my eyes. I didn't care. I just wanted to say my final goodbyes to Anthony.

I stood in front of his grave and I could no longer control my emotions. The tears ran down my face. "I'm so sorry Anthony. Im Sorry" I cried as I fell to my knees. "It's all my fault. I wish I never dragged you into this. I wish I could of stopped Dallas. I should of! I should of tried my hardest. What kind of person am I?!" I began to shout. "A dumb one..." A voice said from behind me. I turned and saw Dallas. "Go away Dallas." I said turning back to the grave. "Mourning and talking about how much of a bad person you are is not going to bring Anthony back." Dallas said as he blew out the smoke from his cigarette. "I hate you" I said softly as I didn't look at him.

"What was that? Come on Babe speak up." Dallas taunted. I stood up and turned quickly and tried to punch Dallas but he caught my arms. "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" I screamed at him trying to get away from him. "Come on babe don't be like this." Dallas continued to try to manipulate me. "Don't fucking call me babe! You have no idea what you've done!" I continued to scream and Dallas put his lips to mine. I tried to push him off but he wouldn't budge. I bit his lip angrily and felt his blood sink into my teeth.. He shoved me to the ground after repeating a curse or two while adding some more as I spit the blood out and stayed on the ground.

"You have no idea when you have it good do you?! You had everything here! You had a family, a home, friends, everything! Steve use to know you front and back. Every little detail. Now he can't even tell what you're thinking! Then this little fucker comes and you decide that you wanted to just throw all that away! . You have no idea how much you are tearing this gang apart. Steve and Soda who have been friends since grade school are even fighting now when they never fought once before! You think you have it so bad! Look around Lily! Do you think i have it good or once did?! What about Johnny?! Look what Johnny goes through. So don't even act like all this bad is happening around you. You think you are the only one who deals with someone who dies that you cared about?! Huh!? Look at Ponyboy, Sodapop, and Darryl! They lost their parents for God's Sake! Or you want bad how about the Shepards. Their parents fight a lot too. Throwing shit and even they have to get into the fights sometimes. Just look at half the hoods including myself who are who they are because of what's going on." Dallas was yelling at me and I couldn't help but look away. Dallas was a stern person. He could scare anyone he wanted to if he really did indeed want to frighten you.

"I can't stand people like you. You're just as bad as the rest of them. All those no good socs." Dallas stomped on his cigarette when he dropped it on the ground and just shook his head at me. Dallas looked like he would snap and jump me at any second if I ever retaliated so I kept my mouth shut. "Get out of my Sight. You make me Sick." Dallas said and I quickly got up and walked away. Dallas was right. I took everything I ever had for granted and now look at the mess I had made.


	16. Leave Out All The Rest

**He Loves Me...Or He Loves Me Not [Outsiders **

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily, Anthony, and any other Character I add in there.**

**Author Note: Thanks to everyone who has been reading my story since I started it. Also I want to thank everyone for who has been patient and to anyone who was irritated with me because I didn't update so soon, Sorry. I've been loaded with so much work plus a lot of German work so I sincerely apologize. Anyways, thank you to Monkeypants17, xXFlowerxChildXx, and the anon. from Molli. Also sorry it is short. I was just trying to at least get one out while I was brain storming for a better chapter. Hope you like it!**

_Song listened to while making/best song to listen to while reading: Leave Out All The Rest By Linkin Park _

Chapter 16(Sorry about the Chapter Typo on the last one which was suppose to be 15 Not 14)

I continued to walk. I needed to get away. There was no way that I could stay here any longer. Maybe that's exactly what I needed. Just to get away and to keep everyone from having a miserable life. I decided that I would pack everything I had while they were all out and working and I wouldn't come back. I made my way to the Curtis household and stepped quietly into the house just incase anyone was inside. I peeked around and noticed everyone was out. Soda, Steve, and Darryl were working which probably meant that Pony and Johnny went around town or something.

I rushed up to my room and threw everything into a beat up backpack. I did it as quickly as possible just to be absolutely sure that no one who catch me before they had a chance to stop what good I figured I was actually giving them. I went into the kitchen and found Ponyboy's homework and a pencil. I took a piece of his paper and scribbled down my note.

"_Steve,__I'm sorry for everything. I'm such a horrible cousin.__You were the only one who would actually take me __in and take care of me and what did I do? I messed __it all up. You won't find anything of mine… Its all __packed and I'm going away for good. I know it won't __make sense right now, but truly it is for the better. __I've messed up everyone's lives including yours.__Tell everyone I'm sorry and that I love them (even __Dallas). –Lily"_

I sighed and placed the paper on top of Pony's binder. I knew they would all find it. I slipped into my sweatshirt and walked out the door, letting it slam shut behind me.

Steve's POV:

It was a very long and hard day at the DX. All I could do was worry about Lily. She wasn't the same and Dallas killing Anthony did not make anything better. I will admit even if I don't like Socs I was mad at Dallas for hurting my cousin. I walked in with Soda as we continued our talk about cars, girls, and the upcoming drag race, anything to keep my mind off of some things, even only for a minute. I grabbed some chocolate cake and beer from their fridge. Pony wasn't around so he was probably out with Johnny Cade. My eye caught a piece of paper on pony's binder that was in Lily's handwriting. I picked it up when I put my cake on the table and read it out. I must have read that note a million times and one just to make sure it said what it actually did.

"You alright?" Soda asked. I looked at him and he looked at me with an eyebrow raised. "She's gone..."

Lily's POV:

There was just one last thing I needed to do before I would leave for good. I reached buck's place and went straight inside. "Hey Lily what are you doin' here?" He asked as he cleaned off the bar, probably getting ready for a party. "Dallas here?" I asked and he shook his head no. "good." I said mumbled and went upstairs. I reached his room and shut the door behind me. I grabbed three packs of his cigarettes and took some of his money. He would be mad but I wouldn't be around to hear it. I went through a few things and found an old notebook and pen.

_"Dallas,_

_I'm sorry for everything I have done, but I can't say I regret anything... That would be lying to you. I __loved__ Anthony. I cared for you for so long... but you would never be able to care and love for me the way I had you. You don't have to worry about it anymore. I'm sure you have heard but I'm long gone now. I highly doubt we will meet again unless by some weird chance. If at any chance we do. I hope you can forgive me for all the money and cigarettes I stole. Bye __Dallas_

_- Lily"_

I left Buck's and made my way to my new life, but what was out there for me? I pulled my hood on to keep the cold wind from freezing my face. My beat up converses kicked the dirty as I followed the road to the destination unknown…


	17. It's too late to apologize

**He Loves Me...Or He Loves Me Not [Outsiders **

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily, Anthony, and any other Character I add in there.**

**Author's Note: Woo! Alright. Ready for another exciting edition of He Loves me… Or He Loves me not?! Ok sorry I'm a tad bit hyper. This chapter will hopefully longer and I hope catch your interest more because I'm sure that small chapter didn't exactly cut it. Plus you deserve a long chapter for that long wait on this story. I can't believe that this story is almost in the 20s! All possible because of my loyal readers! So Thanks guys, it means a lot. Every review I get goes into my thoughts on how to make this story better for all of you. So if you have any thoughts, ideas, or opinions please let me know!!! Here we go! Oh and also, most likely now I'm going to be writing a song of what helped me write it like I did the last one, to any of you who are like me and have to have music/music that goes with the story while you read… this is what I listened to. Enjoy!**

_Song: Apologize by One Republic_

**Chapter 17:**

I continued along this long road. I had no idea where I was heading. I hitchhiked to a few places, caught a freight train and walked the rest. I slept where ever I could. It took me a few days but I soon found an abandoned church. I went inside and I put my bag down on the floor. It wouldn't exactly be a palace, but it was a place to stay where no one would bother me. Plus I would be able to go to the store that was along the road down and get some food whenever I needed it. Besides it was only temporary until I could hitchhike back to Kansas. I made a bed out of what I had in my back and used my arms and backpack as a pillow. I was so exhausted that I feel asleep quicker than I thought I would.

I bought some food from the store and got some water from the pump at the back. I made myself a sandwich as I leaned against a wall and thoughts flooded my mind. _Anthony_ The one guy I thought I could never get along with… and I fell in love with him. He made me feel safe. Like I could escape when I reached him and that I could feel wanted and loved the way I wanted to be. He made me realize that whether you are a Soc or a Grease… Everyone is the same. The only difference was the money. Money didn't even matter to Anthony though and I could careless if he had all the money in the world or if he was dead broke.

_Steve_ What was Steve thinking? I'm sure I had upset him, but one day he would realize I did it for the better. Steve always supported me no matter what and he was going to have to support this whether he liked it or not. I missed him a lot already. Although some part of me wanted to run back to them all. To just stay there and wait for things to get better, but I knew they wouldn't. The only way they would is if I left. It was better for Steve too. This way I wasn't some kid he would have to watch twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

_Soda_ He has my back more than anyone of the gang. He always supported me no matter what. How was he taking all this? Was he wondering if I was ok? Was he upset? I missed Soda so much too. I wished I could see his movie star grin and hear his laugh and watch him be his happy go lucky self.

_Johnny _Oh Johnny… I didn't even know how he was reacting. I couldn't even picture it. I didn't want to. Maybe he was upset. Maybe he was wondering why I left. I felt guilty as I felt I broke a promise that I wouldn't leave. But it was for the best. I had to leave. Oh I hoped Johnnycakes knew I felt bad.

_Two-bit _I wished I could hear two-bit cracking on someone or having him hog the whole damn T.V. just so he could watch the reruns of Mickey Mouse! Oh how I missed him so much, even if I didn't talk to him much, he was still really important.

_Ponyboy_ Now there was the creative member of the gang. Pony helped me through a lot. I remember watching sunsets with him and watching as he would draw them. He also got me reading more and going to see new movies. He helped me realize there is more than one side to everything. There is color to pictures if you knew where to look for them…

_Darryl_ Now he was the Father Figure. He would also act like a father when Steve was too busy goofing around or being buddy, buddy with me instead of keeping me out of trouble. Although I couldn't help but wonder how he did it. At only age 20 and it was as if he was a middle aged man.

Last but not least, _Dallas_. I'm sure Dallas could care less. He was probably hoping I was dead in some ditch somewhere. I'm sure he didn't give a hang about me. I knew that was a lie, but I truly just wanted to be bitter. I was so mad at him for everything he put Anthony through. All the things he did to split and ruin Anthony and me. I just couldn't push away the one thing that drove me insane… I _love_ Dallas. I could never understand why. Maybe it was the way Dallas was before I met Anthony. Before he became some crazed jealous greaser with a switchblade and a bad temper.

I didn't know which was worse. Deceiving Dallas and his trust, almost leading him on, and then "betraying" him by choosing a Soc over him. Or by betraying Anthony by still having feelings for Dallas regardless of whether I was with him or not. I sighed and pushed any thought I had away. I used some water to wash up and decided to play some Solitaire, seeing as in there was nothing better to do. I figured in a few days I could start to head off to Kansas. Once I had a plan…

The days grew longer. I was running out of food, cigarettes, and money. I had no plan and I had a bad cut on my leg keeping me from walking much. I was stuck here whether I liked it or not. I was just hoping somebody would find me before I died here… I laid down in my "bed" I had made for myself and soon drifted.

_I sat up in my area eyes wide as I heard a voice. "Sweetheart?" I quickly looked in the direction. Anthony was standing in the doorway. "Anthony?" I asked softly… Tears began to brim my eyes. He knelt down in front of my and took me into his arms. I gripped onto the back of his shirt for dear life. "I have to be dreaming, but this feels too real… But I know I am… You're...dead." I whimpered softly. "You know I'm still watching you… Still protecting you." He wiped away my tears and kissed my lips softly._

I sat up quickly, now completely awake, and saw Anthony standing in the doorway at the corner of my eye. I put my elbows on my knees as I sat up and rocked back in forth with my hands on the back of my head. '_I'm insane…' _That's all I could repeat to myself. I heard something crack from outside and I quickly looked up. I heard quiet voices from outside and I quickly, well as quick as I could, moved to hide somewhere.

"Think we'll be ok here?" Why was that voice so familiar… "looks like someone is already here…" I heard another familiar voice. I peeked from my hiding places and saw the two people I thought I'd never see for a long time. "JOHNNY! PONY!"


	18. I Am Afraid

**He Loves Me...Or He Loves Me Not [Outsiders **

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily, Anthony, and any other Character I add in there.**

**Author's Note: Ok Next Chapter! Creeping closer to the 20s!**

**Thanks to everyone making this possible. I want to thank Climmillionaire, greaserlvr54, and Monkeypants17 for the reviews. Hope you like the Chapter!! **

_Song: Afraid by Yellowcard._

**Chapter 18:**

"What are you guys doing here?!" I asked as I hugged Johnny and then Pony. "We could ask you the same question." Johnnycakes said and laughed a bit. I looked at them both back and forth. They looked exhausted and expression of fear. "What happened?" I asked hesitantly. "Can we talk about later? We're exhausted." Pony asked tiredly and I nodded. Deciding that I need to keep my mind off things too, I laid beside them and went to sleep as well. The morning came quicker than I expected. My shoulder was stiff from sleeping on it all night. I looked around and saw Pony was gone.

I got up slowly, wincing a bit, and looked around. "Pony" I called out softly so I wouldn't wake Johnny. I looked out the back door and saw the sun going down. Pony was standing outside watching it. "You alright Pony?" I asked as I stood beside him. "Yeah, just wanted to watch the sun go down." Pony said hooking his thumbs to the front of his jean pockets. Pony and I stayed quiet as we watched the sun. "Do you have a cigarette?" Pony asked and I nodded. I pulled out one for him and one for myself. I took a drag of mine after I lit both of ours.

"Why'd you run off?" Pony asked. I turned from the sun to see him looking at me. "I was just making things worse for all of you. Poor Steve… How is he? How's the gang?" I asked hesitantly. "Steve isn't taking it too well… Shoot, none of the gang is. Everyone has been a mess wondering where you went to. Two-bit even gave up Mickey Mouse to go lookin' for you with Steve and Soda." Pony explain as he stared at the sun that was almost gone now. "What about…" My voice trailed off and I crossed my arms and looked at the ground. "Dally?" Pony finished for me when I stayed silent. I looked at him and I guess he could tell yes by the look on my face.

"Oh you know Dally. He doesn't show any emotion. Maybe except anger." Pony said and laughed a bit. I couldn't help but laugh as well. I looked at Pony and saw a mixture of Soda and Darry in him. Even if he didn't think so, Pony was handsome too. They were just a family of good looks. "He may say he doesn't care. He may show he doesn't care…but I know he does. Its just…" "Dallas being Dallas. Always cold hearted and mean." I finished. "Come on, it's getting dark." I said and headed back to the church.

It was getting cold. I pulled my Jacket back on and pulled my knees to my chest as I sat with Pony. Johnny sat up slowly as he tried to get fully awake. "So why'd you guys come here?" I asked. Johnny turned pale. Pony was looking down at the dirt, swirling his finger in it, making patterns. "Got into some trouble with Socs…" Johnny said in an unsteady voice. I listened silently as both Johnny and Pony took turns to tell the story. "Dally gave us some money, and told us to come here, said it would be a good hideout." Pony said. "How long do you have to stay here till?" I asked.

"I guess until everything cools down. Dally is going to come here when everything is ok." Johnny answered. "Dally?!?!" I exclaimed and stood up quick. "What are you doing?" Johnny stood up also when he saw me going to my things. "I can't stay here…" I said packing things up. "What?! You can't leave! Not now!" Johnny said walking to me with pony following. "I can't stay here, not with Dallas coming." I said and Johnny grabbed my stuff out of my hands. "You left us once. I'm not letting you leave us again." Johnny said. His words stung a bit. At that moment… He reminded me of Dallas. The cruel harsh words that he would say that always stuck into my head.

I looked into his puppy dog eyes and then into pony's saddened eyes. I sighed and slunk down the wall. "What am I suppose to do? I can't face Dallas… I can't." I said as my eyes started to blur. Johnny and Pony sat on both sides of me and put their arms around me. "Everything Dallas said to me… Everything about how I took all I had for granted. Everything I had I threw away. All for a Soc. The ones I use to punched just for giving me a glance… Maybe I have turned soft… Oh what's happened to me?" I said and covered my face with my hands. "You're the same Lily. You're still tough and tuff." Pony said and I looked up at him. He gave a small smile. "I wish it were true." I said smiling a little. "You guys should get some more sleep. I'm sure you're still tired. After a little more convincing they went to get more sleep. Just as I thought, they fell asleep instantly.

Dallas's words stung my heart as it repeated like a broken record in my head. _"__Steve and Soda who have been friends since grade school are even fighting now when they never fought once before!"_ I closed my eyes tight as I tried to drain his thoughts from my head. _"Look at Ponyboy, Sodapop, and Darryl! They lost their parents for God's Sake!" _I leaned my head back and tried to stop my thoughts. _""I can't stand people like you. You're just as bad as the rest of them. All those no good socs." _Dallas's face came into my head. I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling. "I'm Sorry Dallas…" I said softly and then look down at the ground.

The days began to pass more and more. I had to get supplies for the three of us because they couldn't be seen. I guess it was a good thing that they came here when I was still here or else they would have had to survive on what they had. Johnny and Pony had to cut their hair. Johnny's was just a little bit shorter. I felt bad for Pony, He was so proud of his hair. Shoot Soda and himself had the best hair around. Plus he had to dye it blonde. He wasn't feeling too hot about his look. Johnny and Pony were sleeping on the pews. I preferred my corner towards the back where I always slept. I felt safer there. I was trying to fall back asleep.

I was half asleep when I heard a noise outside. My eyes shot open and I looked around. I saw someone peek in from the outside but I kept my mouth shut. I reached for my back pocket and pulled out my switchblade. Flicking it open I stood quietly and waited. The door opened and that's when I saw Dallas. I swallowed and stayed quiet. I was in the darkness of the church so he couldn't see me. Johnny sat up and I watched as Dally nudged Pony in the ribs. I stayed in my spot. I wasn't very ecstatic about seeing Dally too much yet.

"Glory, he looks different with his hair like that…" Dally said. "Hey Dally!" Pony exclaimed. I knew he'd be happy. Dally was his source of finding out about Soda and Darry. I didn't pay attention much as I stared at Dally. He looked like he hadn't shaved in a while. A colorless beard was beginning to show on his chin. "…you two want to get something to eat? I skipped breakfast this morning and I'm starved." I heard Dally say when I zoned back into reality. "_You're_ starved?" Johnny nearly squeaked. "Wait where's Lily?" Johnny asked. Oh leave it to Johnnycakes to give out that I'm here…

"Lily?!" Dally exclaimed in a mad tone. His face turned slightly dangerous as anger exchanged with his cool expression. I stepped out from my spot and the three of them looked at me. I walked to them as I closed the blade. Dally's expression at that moment just turned out plain mean. Dally pushed me into the wall and grabbed me by the neck. I yelled out slightly in pain as I dropped my blade and Dally held me there. I wished I didn't for that put a grin on Dallas's face. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" Dally said his face going back to his dangerous expression. "Dally lay off!" Johnny said as he tried to stop Dallas. "Stay out of this Johnny!" Dally yelled not taking his eyes off of me. "I don't know what you want from me Dally… First you tell me I'm ruining the gang. Then when I try to leave so things will get better, I'm still doing something wrong. What do you want me to do?!" I yelled in his face. My hands went to his forearms. My neck was beginning to ache.

"Grab your stuff." Dally said low and mildly harsh. "What…" I said as he let go of my neck. "I said get your stuff!" Dally yelled and I backed off. I packed all my stuff and put my backpack on my bag. I walked back over to Dallas, Johnny, and Pony without a word. "I'll be back in a couple hours. Don't leave here." Dally instructed them. "Where would we go?" Johnny said. "Let's go." Dally said and grabbed me by my upper arm. I saw Buck's car down the pathway. "I'm not going back." I said as I tore my arm away from his grip and stood stubbornly.

Dally stopped and licked his lips as he looked away in another direction. I knew he was trying to keep his cool. "You're not going?" He said in a dangerous way. "Lily, you don't have a choice." Dally said grabbing my arm tighter this time and dragging me along. I tried to get away but it was a pointless battle. I put my stuff in the back as I got into the passenger seat. The ride was quiet. I looked at Dally but kept my mouth shut. I always thought he looked handsome when he was mad or when he was thinking about something. I could tell he was currently both.

"I'm sorry for hurting you and the gang Dally but… I have no regrets." I said and Dally kept his eyes on the road. I looked back out my window. "You just don't know when you stop do you?" Dally said after a long pause. "What do you mean?" I asked and looked at him again. "Everything you touch dies. You're a hazard. It's just like a magnet for hurting people." Dally said telling the brutal truth. "I never intended for things to turn so badly Dallas…" I said softly looking down at my dirty chucks. "Yeah… Well it did." He said still not looking at me. "I wish you'd just do what Steve would tell you. Never would have been in this mess…" Dally said. "Me too…" I whispered so soft while looking out my window that not even Dallas heard me…

_I look for you but I can't see your face then I hear you the only thing you say. Don't look for me because you will never say and you won't hear me. Why do we keep this up? Why do we live like us? When there is nothing left to save will you be afraid?I am afraid right now. What if you let me down? You are the one who can't be saved. If only I could say I am afraid right now. You will never get out. You never let yourself be saved you are so afraid. you are so afraid..._


	19. Who will Save Us?

**He Loves Me...Or He Loves Me Not [Outsiders **

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily, Anthony, and any other Character I add in there.**

**Author's Note: Once again I want to thank each and every one of you reading this story and making it possible. I never would of that people would like this story and have it this successful but I'm glad. Want to thank iluvdally, greaserlvr54, and monkeypants17.**

_Song: Save Us by Cartel_

**Chapter 19:**

The car slowly came to a stop as we were in front of the Curtis's. I stayed seated and took a deep breath. Dallas inhaled and exhaled sharply as he kept one hand on the wheel and one arm on the door. I looked at him and watched as he rubbed his colorless beard, hoping he'd say something to me. I felt tears about to break through but I held them in. I guess I started thinking about everything I've done that hurt the gang from day one. Then I thought about Johnny and Pony and the mess that they were in. "Please take care of Johnny and Pony…" I begged softly.

Dallas looked at me with a serious expression. I looked down as he didn't look away but said nothing. A tear fell from my eye and I couldn't help it anymore. "Hey…"Dallas said softly. I looked up and Dallas wiped away a few tears. "I think I liked you better when you weren't so soft baby." He said and smirked. I couldn't help but laugh a little. "Same old Dallas." I said as I kept a smile. "Wish I could say the same for you." Dally said and I just stared at him. "Hey you have to promise me you won't tell them about Johnny and Pony." The tone of Dallas's voice and the seriousness in his eyes told me that if I told, He was definitely going to hurt me. I bit my lip at the thought and nodded.

"Alright, get out of here." Dally said going back to the position he was in before. I slid over to him and hugged him. It caught him off guard; I don't think he actually expected that. Its complicated…After all he has done, he is still the same Dallas I once loved and still love. I moved slightly out of his arms but Dallas held me there. I moved my face to see it less than an inch apart from his. "Dally…"I said softly yet warning. "Yeah yeah yeah…" Dally said and let me go. I got out of the car, grabbed my stuff, and shut the door. "One day lily… You'll realize you should have never left me." Dallas said and winked at me as I looked at him. I rolled my eyes as I smiled and shook my head side to side. I watched as Dallas drove off to go back to Pony and Johnny. I took one last deep breath and wondered if Steve was off work yet.

I clutched onto my bag on my shoulder and walked into the Curtis's house. "Hello?" I called out. The house was dead silent. I put my bag into soda's old room. I started to turn to go back downstairs until something caught my eye. It was a photo album on the bed. I walked over and sat down, pulling the album on my lap. I started to flip through it and saw the pictures of me and Steve together, lots of pictures with the gang, and many others.

I heard the door open and close and I quickly shut the album. I stood up and went out into the hall. "Want some cake?" I heard Soda ask. "Sure." I heard Steve in the living room. I walked quietly and saw Steve watching TV. He looked like he lost a lot of sleep. Poor guy, I felt terrible. "Steve…" My voice came out soft and low. Steve looked up quickly and his eyes widened as he saw me. I was just waiting for the yelling… He stood up quickly and pulled me into his arms. I tightly wrapped my arms around him. I heard him cry silently and I began to cry as well. "I'm so sorry…" I repeated softly over and over. Steve continued to comfort me.

I looked up and saw Soda standing in the doorway of the kitchen. His eyes lit up when he actually saw who Steve was hugging. "Lily!" Soda said and pulled me into his arms and off the ground. "Where've you been?!" Soda asked with his movie star grin as he wiped away some tears. "More like where I haven't been…" I said and he laughed with me. "Where's Darry?" I asked. "Working later, Two-bit dropped us off." Soda answered as he went back into the kitchen. "You hungry?" Soda called. "Yeah, kind of." I answered. I sat with Steve on the couch and fell asleep in his arms before Soda could ever give me any food.

I woke up from Soda shaking me awake. I was now in Soda's old room they must have brought me in there. "Lily come on. You have get up." Soda half begged, he sounded upset. "Why... What's wrong?" I mumbled softly as I started to get up. "Pony, Johnny, and Dally are in the hospital." Soda said. "What!?" I exclaimed my eyes completely widened. Oh yeah… I was awake now. I jumped out of the covers and quickly changed my pants and pulled on my converse. I met with Soda in the living room and rode with Darry and Soda to the hospital. "Please let them be ok… Please." I whispered softly. Soda put his arm around my shoulder and gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. I looked into his eyes and saw them watering. I put my head on his shoulder as Darry continued to drive.

When we reached the hospital, I nearly pushed Soda out of the car so I could run inside. We got directions from a nurse and I followed soda. "Pony…" Soda said and Pony's head turned quick at the bench he was sitting on. He looked so dirty and messy. I watched as Pony and Soda hugged. I smiled softly when I saw Darry come around the corner._ I need to see Johnny… I needed to see Dallas. _"How's Johnny and Dally?" I asked pony after I hugged him. "Johnny's in bad condition…Dally is ok." Pony said. "Dally is always ok…" I muttered angrily. I was angry because I still felt the blame for everything. Even if this might not have been my fault, I still felt that I could be blamed for everything bad happening. _"__Everything you touch dies. You're a hazard. It's just like a magnet for hurting people."_ There he was again... His voice in my head.

I went up to a nurse and pulled her by her sleeve to turn her around. "I want to see Johnny Cade." I demanded. My stubborn greaser side was coming back. "No one can see Johnny Cade; he is in bad condition right now." The nurse explained calmly. "Fine, let me see Dally I know he is going to be fine." I spat out and the nurse was becoming irritated. "There will be no visitors at this time." The nurse gave a warning tone. I pulled the clipboard out of her hands and skimmed it. I shoved the clipboard back at her and made my way down the hall.

"Miss you can not go in there!" I had a few nurses trailing me. I moved my arm away from them when they tried to grab me to make sure I didn't go in. "I'm going in!" I yelled. I reached Dally's door. Dally and the nurse, bandaging his arm, looked up when they heard the door bang open. "Quit touching me!" I shouted and moved my arm again. "There is no visitors…" "Just let her stay in." A Doctor interrupted. "If we don't we'll hear from her all night." The doctor finished. The nurse I talked to earlier gave me a glare and left.

I watched as the nurse who bandaged Dallas's arm closed the door behind her. "Hey baby." Dally said grinning at me. "What the hell were you thinking?!" I exclaimed. "I was thinking about saving Johnny's life. I wasn't going to just let him die." Dallas said with a harsh tone and strong expression. My face softened, along with my eyes, as I looked at Dally. He was the same hero I saw years ago. Way before I ever actually fell in love with him. I always looked up to him. Maybe in the same way Johnnycakes looks up to him. I don't know… Maybe it's different.

People look at Dallas and see a cold hearted, cruel, menacing person. I look at Dallas and see a strong, free spirited, guy who will do anything for his gang. Even if he wasn't the nicest person, he still sacrificed a lot for me. All I ever did in return was cause a wound and then add the salt to it. That's all I seemed to be good at nowadays… I sat next to Dally on his bed and let my feet dangle. "I'm really sorry Dallas…" I said. "What did you do now?" Dallas asked. "I've been horrible to you. After all you've done for me… I've been selfish." I said as I looked down at his bandaged arm.

I slid my hand towards his hesitantly. I moved my hand over the top of his and laced my fingers with his. I looked at Dally and he had a questioning expression. Those feelings for him were beginning to surface. Why couldn't it have stayed that way? Why couldn't I just left Anthony alone. He would have never have died. I never would have killed him… Even if I didn't do it with my own hands, I slowly killed him myself. What if I just stayed with Dallas? It may not be love on his part, but at least he'd take care of me. Maybe I needed that right now…But what if I'm wrong?

Dallas pulled me closer and I lay on my side next to him. I rested my head on his shoulder as he wrapped it around me. "Who's going to save us…?" I whispered softly. "What?" Dally asked. "Who will save us? Who is here to help us when the world hates us so much?" I asked. Dally stayed quiet as he looked up at the ceiling. "Have you ever thought… What it would be like… If maybe, just maybe, we were the Socs and the Socs were greasers. Would they love us then? Would they…"I stopped and sighed. "We don't have anyone to save us. We'll never have it like the Socs. I don't need anyone to save me." Dally said bitterly.

"Why do we fight them? We can't ever win!" I said as I sat up. Dally sat up and looked at me. "To prove we're better regardless of what they have." Dally said. "What's with all the thoughts lately? You never use to be like this." Dally asked. "I have Dallas I just never voiced them." I answered. "So this is how its going to be isn't it…" I said after the silence. "What?" Dally said. The tone in his voice told me he was getting irritated. "We keep fighting the Socs and losing more and more people until there's nothing left of any of us." I said and stood up taking 5 steps backward away from him.

Dallas just stared at me. Didn't make a sound nor did he even try to retaliate against my theory. I took in a deep breath and walked to the door. "Everyone needs a savior… Even you Dallas Winston." I said as I looked at him before going out into the hall shutting the door behind me.

"_We hold this truth self evident, the lies we used to represent. Who we are, because it was never meant to be and all the songs we used to sing, used to tell us everything. Now were left with, all were left is memories, But the better days behind us now. We all need someone to tell us how _to_ save this state of where we are, it keeps demanding more and more and more. Who will save us? This can't go on, without the meaning in the rhyming. Can you save, can you save us?  
I can't go on out of rhythm with our time."_


	20. You Gave it All Away

**He Loves Me...Or He Loves Me Not Outsiders **

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Outsiders Character. They all belong to S.E. Hinton Except for my Character Lily, Anthony, and any other Character I add in there.**

**Author's Note: Wooo! Who would of that I'd make it to 20 chapters?! Anyone? Yeah… I didn't either so don't feel bad if you said no. Right. Thanks to the following for reviews: Monkeypants17, nixiefare, greaserlvr54,Mistress Bumblebee ****and Thanks to everyone keeping this story alive and running. Also I want to apologize for the wait. Sadly this is the final chapter. I figure this is as far as I can go with this story before it sucks. So yeah. Then after this I will be riding my "Shadow of the Day" **_**the outsiders**_** story. **

_Song: Gave it all Away by RED_

**Chapter 20:**

I sat down in the waiting room as the other boys went to go see Dallas. I put my face in my hands as I leaned forward. Everything was my fault. I caused a catastrophe since I arrived here from Kansas. All I ever did was cause problems. Doing this sent my friends away, my parents, all my family except the gang. They were all I had left and slowly… I was driving them away. I was running out of places to turn. I was getting to the point of burning all my bridges. I've burnt every bridge I ever built.

"Lily…" I looked up to see two-bit peering down at me. "Hey Two-bit" I said putting my chin on my palms. "You don't look too good… You ok?" He asked as he sat beside me. "Not really…" I said. Two-bit placed his arm around my shoulders pulling me close to me. I leaned my head on his shoulder and sighed. "Johnny will be alright. He'll pull through. He is a tough kid. Dally is alright, we know he'll be ok." Two-bit assured me. "Johnny would be fine if I never came here." I said softly. "What?" he questioned softly. "If I just did what my parents asked me. If I never got sent here, if I never fell in love with Anthony, if I always just did what I was told… No one would be in any mess right now…" I said looking at the tiled floor.

"Hey, you listen to me. The gang would be nothing without you. We all care for you and you know that. Shoot, you're one of the toughest greasers I know. Sure have to be the only female I know that can take on Dally and give him his moneys worth." Two-bit made me crack a grin. "If Dally ever heard you say something like that, he'd hit you in the mouth just for trying to be funny." I said and laughed. "Yeah, But he can't do anything about it now." He smiled and I couldn't help it. Two-bit always knew how to make everyone laugh. He was a riot just to watch him make fun of people.

Time was slowly dragging by. Still no news about Johnny and I was half asleep on Steve's shoulder now as we all waited. "Lily wake up." I heard Steve say softly as he shook me. I mumbled as I slowly opened my eyes. "We're going home." He said and I nodded. I feel asleep in the car and someone must have carried me up because when I woke up, I was in Soda's well… My room. I sat up and stretched.

I walked to the window and peered out through the blinds. The street was quiet. Only a few cars would pass by now and then. I decided I'd go see Dally. I got dressed, grabbed my jean jacket, and put a pack of cigarettes in my pocket. I quietly walked out of the house. I didn't really want conversation right now. I just prayed I wouldn't run into any socs that I didn't know. That would just make things worse. I didn't need to cause anymore problems for the gang or for myself. Let's keep it safe and simple right? I reached the bus stop just in time to make the bus and took my seat after putting some change in the little slot. I ignored the looks from people and pretended I didn't notice.

The truth was, I did and it bothered me sometimes. The ride to the hospital seemed longer than ever. I thought about everything Dally had told me since I was with Anthony. _"You've turned soft." _Something inside of me just wanted to punch Dally. Show him I'm not soft and I'm not afraid of him. I know where I'm from and what I am. I walked passed the nurse and went straight into Dally's room, passing Tim as I entered. "I refuse to care anymore." I said standing at least 7 inches away from his bed. "What?" Dallas was already in an annoyed mood. No doubt Tim came to rub it in about the rumble. "I don't care about what you think. I'm stop caring about what others think. I'm not soft. You don't know me at all." I said as I glared.

Dallas stood up from his bed and stood in front of me towering over me. I stared up into his eyes showing no fear. I raised my eyebrows at him. He kept that cool serious expression and then it cracked into a grin. "You're scared." Dallas smirked. "Of What…" I asked harsh. "Me baby." He grinned. I slapped him making it echo through the room. "I'm not fucking scared of you Dallas. Not anymore. You may be right about a lot of things, but not everything." I said. He pushed me against the wall and I gasped in surprise. I don't know what drove me to do it… but I kissed him. All the anger and everything from my feelings for him resurfacing were forced into that kiss. He grinned at in the kiss as he kissed me back. I broke the kiss and he pulled me into his bare chest. "Why did I have to bring Anthony into this? Why did I have to hurt him? Why did I have to start seeing him? Why did you have to kill him Dally?" I held back my tears. "Why…" I asked as I looked up at him. "I did it for your own good." He said and he went back to his bed. "Look the rumble is tonight and I need your help getting out. So any emotions you're feeling right now need to turn to anger against those Socs." Dally said. "What do you mean? How do you need my help?" I asked. "You're going to help me get out of here." Dally said. "I'll come by once everyone at the Curtis household leave." I said and Dally nodded. "Good." And with that I left.

The hours sped by. I didn't understand why. Maybe it was because I was dreading this moment from coming. All this fighting wasn't going to do any good. I heard the boys yelling and saw them out the window doing flips as they headed to the lot. I walked a couple streets away and hotwired a car; something I learned back in Kansas. I drove to the hospital and headed straight to Dally's room. The door opened and Dally was pulling his jean jacket over his bare chest. "Let's go." He said and wrapped his arm around me. I didn't look back, it was unnecessary. We got to the car and he drove to the lot. "Stay here until I get back." He said and jumped out of the car.

I sat nervously fiddling with my thumbs. I thought about everything that happened since I came here. Falling even harder for Dallas. Meeting Anthony. Hurting Dally when I starting being Anthony. Pulling apart the gang. Making everyone fight more. Arguments and fist fights and even more problems between the two sides. Anthony's death. Now Johnny in the hospital and this big rumble going on… Everything was a disaster. The rain was pouring down hard as I waited. I couldn't even really see anything. All I could hear was the pings of rain falling on the car.

I jumped in fright when I heard the driver door open. "Lily, get in the back." I quickly hopped over the seat into the back. Pony sat in the passenger seat. They were both a mess. Dallas sped to the hospital and we eventually got police assistance for some lame excuse Dallas came up with on the spot. I helped Dallas carry Pony to Johnnycake's room. I was terrified. Johnny was just a kid. As young as me and he was dying. All he did was help kids and this is how he was getting repaid? We reached Johnny's room and Dally quickly went to his side and held his arm as Pony went to the side. I never got a chance to see Johnny. They never let me in. Not once. The sight of him made me cry. I couldn't bare it. "We did it Johnny… we beat the socs, we did it." Dally said and smiled as he looked at Johnny. "Its no good…" Johnny spoke softly. "What…" Dally asked. "The fighting… Its not good." He spoke barely above a whisper. "Johnny Cade…" I whispered softly. He looked at me weakly. "Lily… I've been waiting for you…" He spoke weakly and tried to smile. I stepped closer to him and held his hand. "You're strong Lily, remember that ok. No matter what anyone says. We've always loved you no matter what decision you made." Johnny said and looked at Pony. "Pony come here…" Pony went closer. "Stay gold Ponyboy… Stay gold…" His voice faded and in that instant I knew he was gone.

I couldn't take it anymore. I balled harder than I ever did before. I left the room and leaned against the wall beside his door. I sank to the floor, not being able to hold up my body weight anymore. My body shook terribly as I cried. I heard footsteps rush by me and I looked up to see Dallas walking away quick. "Dally!" I called but he wouldn't look back. Pony knelt beside me. I fell into his arms and he held me as I cried. I gripped onto his shirt and cried into his shoulder. "Oh pony…" I mumbled through my tears. He eventually helped me up and we walked home together. Dallas just took the care and left. I knew he was finally at his breaking point. Johnny cade was the only thing Dallas Winston would ever love… and now he was gone…

We finally got to Pony's house and all eyes were on us. I collapsed into Steve's arms and cried more as Pony explained everything to them. "Dallas is gone… He couldn't take it…" I heard pony said as I gasped for air. "Shh calm down baby." I heard Soda say soothingly as he sat beside me and Steve and rubbed my head. Soda knew that when I cried too much I eventually had trouble breathing. I was about to be at that point. The phone rang and Steve got up to answer it. "Hello?" He answered. "No its Steve… Dally?" I heard him say and I looked up quickly. "Yeah... Hold on. Darryl its Dallas." Steve said and Darry came quick. They spoke for a few minutes and then he hung up the phone.

"Dally is in trouble. We have to hide him." Darry said. Every single one of us bolted out that front door. I was the first one out. We all ran as fast as we could to the park. We saw Cops and Cop cars all around the park surrounding Dally. "No!" I yelled. We all shouted and yelled at the cops to stop as they aimed their guns at Dallas. Dallas pulled out his gun that wasn't loaded. "Dallas!" I yelled. The cops fired at him from all directions. I watched as he fell to the ground and got back up. He was shot again and I watched him roll into the street. I ran as fast as I could to his side. "Lily!" Steve said as he tried to grab my arm. "Dally… Dally stay with me." I cried as I gripped onto Dallas. I pulled him onto my lap and stroked his face. "Dally please…" I begged as my tears fell on his neck. "Lily…" He spoke until his voice faded. I watched the life leave his eyes as he slowly shut them. "No! Please Dally No!" I screamed as I cried. Steve tried to pull me off him but I kept shoving him off. "No! Get off of me!" I yelled as I clinged to his body. I put my face into his neck as I cried. "Dally… why Dally why..." I sobbed.

**Some say things are rough on the greaser side. Some say things are rough on the Social side. After everything I experienced since I moved here to now… I realized Things are rough all over…**

"_But you gave it all away. When I needed you to stay. Just open up your arms I need you here. I can do this on my own. I got nothing left to show. Open up your arms I need you here…"_

**(Well That's the story… I hope you all liked it. I want to thank everyone who read and reviewed. I especially want to thank Monkeypants17 you always reviewed every chapter since the beginning. So Thank you. I hope you all read my New story "Shadow of the Day" and I hope I didn't disappoint anyone with this final chapter.)**


End file.
